You ever notice how selfish we can be sometimes? It's a recent phenomenon for me, I've really never noticed it before, but I am one selfish cookie…I'm not talking your average selfishness either, damn. It's taken almost two years of continuous effort from God for me to even be aware of my selfishness... and that’s really bad! We as people focus way too much on ourselves, and in some ways this belief is perpetuated in the church...(not saying the church is bad, I love church) for instance, we are all about 'what God can do for us' or 'what God did for us' when it should be about 'what can we do for others?' and 'what can we do for God?' A lot of my prayers have been things like 'Lord help me to...' and whereas this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, 'Lord please help me to be a man of integrity, to have strength, etc. etc.' I'm thinking (now...I didn't used to) where's the relationship in this? How am I focusing on God in my prayer? As a worship leader I MUST be about God to be effective at all in my worship. I read the other day that worship is our natural response to God when we truly know God. So who is God? Do prayers like 'Lord help me...' really help me to KNOW God? Or do they help me to use God to get things for myself? It's a really tough question, and I know I'm nowhere near an answer yet. Worship involves sacrifice, as David said, (paraphrased) if I will not offer to God that which costs me nothing. I'm willing to take it a step further and say that worship doesn't involve sacrifice, but SELF-sacrifice. 'Those who try to hold onto their life will lose it...' So the question becomes, what am I giving up for the Lord? A Sunday afternoon? Pfft...anyone can do that, as a Christian that is not a sacrifice, that's a given. Am I truly worshiping God when I'm up on stage, or am I focusing on what I can get out of it? Am I giving God the glory He deserves? Do I even know God, to worship Him? Or am I up there to feel good about myself? What am I doing for others lately? Well gee, lets see, I've been trying to comfort some friends lately who've been going through a rough time...yes this is good. However, what are my motives? Am I truly giving my time to them for their sake...am I even helping them? Or am I simply doing it to make sure that I am in their good books, that I can feel good about myself because of it? The bottom line is the more I look at myself, the more I see that I am a disgrace.
Lord, take my life, take my will and my desires, and replace them with Your life, Your will, Your desires. Take my selfishness and replace it with Your Love. Help me to be focused on You entirely. Reveal Yourself to me in ways that I’ve never even imagined. In doing so, allow me to worship you in spirit and in truth. Lord I want to KNOW You, not know everything that I can get from You. Change my heart.
Cheerio, D-Man
Monday, 26 June 2006
Tuesday, 20 June 2006
Talking to the ceiling (edited)
Well, are some deliberation, I decided to re-post this blog entry...it was basically just a bout of melancholy, but I don't think it was right to post it...so I have edited out the crap and left the good stuff with a little more. Hopefully you will find in to be encouraging...
Have you ever talked to the ceiling before? I have..it goes along the lines of a heart to heart conversation with someone which will never actually take place, for whatever reason. It may be an apology that isn't accepted but ends in your tears anyway. It may be advice that you really want to give. Maybe it's a deep expression of love for that certain someone that you cannot let them know about until the due time. Maybe you really miss someone at that moment, but can't contact them. Or maybe you just need to get something off your chest but you have no one to talk to... Maybe it's some sort of combination of all five of those reasons...
Always these type of talks leave you feeling empty and alone, yet something always draws you back to them, time and time again. Is it because you need to feel like everything will be ok? Even when it is not, do we try and reach out for a touch from heaven in our suffering? God alone knows the answers, and all the while He is trying to comfort you... trying to reach you even more than you are so desperately trying to reach out for anyone. He loves you more than you could possibly know, in fact God is love, and since God is omniscient (everywhere at once) and He loves you completely..how big do you think His love for you is? In fact the bible says, that God has named every single star, He has clothed the flowers of the field in 'more than Solomon in his glory', how much more does God love you?
Whatever you are going through, whatever conversations with the ceiling that you've had, know that God has heard them all and He is there with you...
D-Man
Have you ever talked to the ceiling before? I have..it goes along the lines of a heart to heart conversation with someone which will never actually take place, for whatever reason. It may be an apology that isn't accepted but ends in your tears anyway. It may be advice that you really want to give. Maybe it's a deep expression of love for that certain someone that you cannot let them know about until the due time. Maybe you really miss someone at that moment, but can't contact them. Or maybe you just need to get something off your chest but you have no one to talk to... Maybe it's some sort of combination of all five of those reasons...
Always these type of talks leave you feeling empty and alone, yet something always draws you back to them, time and time again. Is it because you need to feel like everything will be ok? Even when it is not, do we try and reach out for a touch from heaven in our suffering? God alone knows the answers, and all the while He is trying to comfort you... trying to reach you even more than you are so desperately trying to reach out for anyone. He loves you more than you could possibly know, in fact God is love, and since God is omniscient (everywhere at once) and He loves you completely..how big do you think His love for you is? In fact the bible says, that God has named every single star, He has clothed the flowers of the field in 'more than Solomon in his glory', how much more does God love you?
Whatever you are going through, whatever conversations with the ceiling that you've had, know that God has heard them all and He is there with you...
D-Man
Tuesday, 13 June 2006
Birthdays and maths
Well, my birthday was yesterday. I turned 20...was a little bit strange, because it really doesn't feel any different from 19. When I turned 19 it was like whoa, I'm not 18 anymore...the strangest feeling, it's hard to describe. But 19-20, there isn't any real feeling of change.
I had a surprise party on Sunday, which was awesome as. I can't believe they got me, lol...you'd think I'd be used to it by now, but yeah. I was rather shocked and so I was fairly quiet and stuff all day because I was trying to process everything. I had a totally awesome day though, which turned into a damn awesome weekend btw. I have the most amazing group of friends in the world, seriously, you guys are so awesome. I really don't deserve any of you, but God's grace is eternal and I and thankful :)
So, how good is God? Damn straight! Every day He amazes me with a little something special, just for me, blows my mind with His grace and love.
I saw the coolest thing the other day, check this out:
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:
What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been in situations where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 101%?
What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
AND, look how far the love of God will take you
L-O-V-E - O-F - G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
So yeah...how awesome is it? lol, well, today promises to be a fairly boring day, except for youth tonight...so I better get back to it...
Cheerio D-Man
I had a surprise party on Sunday, which was awesome as. I can't believe they got me, lol...you'd think I'd be used to it by now, but yeah. I was rather shocked and so I was fairly quiet and stuff all day because I was trying to process everything. I had a totally awesome day though, which turned into a damn awesome weekend btw. I have the most amazing group of friends in the world, seriously, you guys are so awesome. I really don't deserve any of you, but God's grace is eternal and I and thankful :)
So, how good is God? Damn straight! Every day He amazes me with a little something special, just for me, blows my mind with His grace and love.
I saw the coolest thing the other day, check this out:
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:
What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been in situations where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 101%?
What equals 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
AND, look how far the love of God will take you
L-O-V-E - O-F - G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
So yeah...how awesome is it? lol, well, today promises to be a fairly boring day, except for youth tonight...so I better get back to it...
Cheerio D-Man
Monday, 12 June 2006
Renae and Anthony's Wedding
Yeah this isn't really an entry as such...Renae and Anthony's wedding was on Saturday!! Woot!! Was simply AWESOME! But yeah, I don't really have time to get into it right, now, but I've uploaded some pics, so check 'em out!! I'll fill this out a bit more later...
...as I promised:
So...Renae's wedding...was awesome as! It all started on the 27th May 2006 at 12:45PM, although in reality it was more like 1:30 when the bride arrived :) And in the manner of most weddings, the bride walked down the aisle towards her husband to be. Me and LeeAnne sang 'We Will Dance' and 'I Will Be Here' by Steven Curtis Chapman, accompanied by Amelia on flute, Phil on piano and Juliette on Violin, and it sounded awesome as. The entire wedding went off basically without a hitch.
The reception was at the Bonshaw restaurant, at 4:00PM. It was pretty awesome too...especially the dances. Renae danced by herself with Anthony and then with her dad. Nat & Natally King Cole played in the background. It was a really powerful moment, feeling along the lines of any good Hollywood movie along the same lines :) I think Bicentennial Man had a moment in there like that, anyway. The cake looked pretty awesome as well, although they kept it themselves.
They couldn't have picked a better time either. The Autumn leaves in the background made for an absolutely gorgeous setting (which you can see in their official wedding photos). All round it was the best day I've had in quite a long time.
Cheerio, D-Man
...as I promised:
So...Renae's wedding...was awesome as! It all started on the 27th May 2006 at 12:45PM, although in reality it was more like 1:30 when the bride arrived :) And in the manner of most weddings, the bride walked down the aisle towards her husband to be. Me and LeeAnne sang 'We Will Dance' and 'I Will Be Here' by Steven Curtis Chapman, accompanied by Amelia on flute, Phil on piano and Juliette on Violin, and it sounded awesome as. The entire wedding went off basically without a hitch.
The reception was at the Bonshaw restaurant, at 4:00PM. It was pretty awesome too...especially the dances. Renae danced by herself with Anthony and then with her dad. Nat & Natally King Cole played in the background. It was a really powerful moment, feeling along the lines of any good Hollywood movie along the same lines :) I think Bicentennial Man had a moment in there like that, anyway. The cake looked pretty awesome as well, although they kept it themselves.
They couldn't have picked a better time either. The Autumn leaves in the background made for an absolutely gorgeous setting (which you can see in their official wedding photos). All round it was the best day I've had in quite a long time.
Cheerio, D-Man
Sunday, 21 May 2006
Worship
I led worship for the first time last night at church, surprisingly I wasn't nervous at all about it. There were things going on that night, though, that had me a little bit stressed. I don't really think I accomplished what I set out to though. My aim has always been 'how can I through my worship, bring people into an atmosphere where they can really let loose for God?' as far as that went...probably 3 out of 5. Whenever I looked around, people were getting into it, but it didn't really look like it was natural, if you know what I mean. Afterward I felt a bit bummed, which of course then lead to doubting a bit, but I got over that pretty quickly, after all the focus can't be me, it has to be God, so that's something He's gonna deal with.
I've been reading through Extravagant Worship - Darlene Zschech. It is so incredibly humbling to read about people so genuine in their worship that they put me to shame. It's a really good book, I really recommend it for anyone who's particular bent is worship or whatever...ok even if it's not READ IT!! It's really good.
There is such a huge responsibility on a worship leader to be totally focused on God. I think I got up there without really realizing what I was getting myself into, but now I know, and there is so much more to it than I realized.
I'm listening to Evermore by Planetshakers right now...the lyrics go:
I will sing
Of the mercy of the Lord
And I will shout
Of Your faithfulness oh God
For there is none like You
Seated in Your majesty
Holy One I come
To worship You forevermore
You are my God my life my all
And I live for You alone
I am Yours evermore
Heaven and earth Your praise
The wonder of Your name
I'll proclaim evermore
Evermore
Evermore
And I will run
Into Your presence
And I will sing
Sing forever
How awesome is that, can you feel the power in those words? The heartfelt declaration to God that There is none like you not one, and so I am Yours for all eternity. Every time I hear that song I get goosebumps.
Yeah anyway I've kinda run out of things to say..I'm not really in a talkative mood at the moment, so until next time, I bid you all a big Cheerio..
D-Man
I've been reading through Extravagant Worship - Darlene Zschech. It is so incredibly humbling to read about people so genuine in their worship that they put me to shame. It's a really good book, I really recommend it for anyone who's particular bent is worship or whatever...ok even if it's not READ IT!! It's really good.
There is such a huge responsibility on a worship leader to be totally focused on God. I think I got up there without really realizing what I was getting myself into, but now I know, and there is so much more to it than I realized.
I'm listening to Evermore by Planetshakers right now...the lyrics go:
I will sing
Of the mercy of the Lord
And I will shout
Of Your faithfulness oh God
For there is none like You
Seated in Your majesty
Holy One I come
To worship You forevermore
You are my God my life my all
And I live for You alone
I am Yours evermore
Heaven and earth Your praise
The wonder of Your name
I'll proclaim evermore
Evermore
Evermore
And I will run
Into Your presence
And I will sing
Sing forever
How awesome is that, can you feel the power in those words? The heartfelt declaration to God that There is none like you not one, and so I am Yours for all eternity. Every time I hear that song I get goosebumps.
Yeah anyway I've kinda run out of things to say..I'm not really in a talkative mood at the moment, so until next time, I bid you all a big Cheerio..
D-Man
Wednesday, 10 May 2006
God's heart
I've been reading A Sacred Romance by John Eldredge over the last couple of weeks and I just want to write an excerpt that I found rather awesomely awesome...
'...What is clear is that Satan has lost the battle. Twice. The first time he was hurled in disgrace from the walls of heaven by Christ and his angels. The second time, he was unable to hold the crucified Christ within the gates of hell and was forced to hand over to him the keys to death and Hades. But for a time he is placed on what feels like a very long leash to do what he can among us with his roaring.
As we pick up the drama of Satan's defeat in heaven at the end of Act II, which John described to us in Chapter 6 through Paradise Lost, we find Satan lying face down in the lake of fire after having been hurled from the walls of heaven on the third day of his great battle with God and his angels. In shock that such a great force as his could have actually been defeated, he drags himself to a nearby island. He raises his head to see his angelic army strewn across the lake of fire like "autumn leaves" - the glow of heaven still upon them. Beelzebub, his chief lieutenant, convinces him to speak, that the sound of his voice might yet instill courage and hope in his legions.
Having lost everything with no chance for redemption, Lucifer, now Satan, tries to quiet the tears of his own heart and assure his legions that this place will never be able to hold such celestial spirits as they. He uses the despair, impotent rage, and hatred for God that they all feel to stir them to consider what "mature counsel" will once again give them hope and direction.
Lucifer and his war chiefs have lost their heavenly names but Milton refers to them by the names their notoriety on the earth will earn them. Moloch urges all-out assault on heaven and if they die in the process, so be it. At least the streets of heaven will run red with blood. Belial, the consummate politician, advises a policy of laying low so that perhaps God will eventually forget about them and they can then do what they want. Mammon basically says, "Guys, we can own this joint without God here to bug us. We'll run a number racket never before seen under heaven." It is at this point that Beelzebub breaks in to the dialogue with exasperation:
What sit we then projecting peace and war?
War hath determin'd us and foil'd us with loss
Irreparable; terms of peace, yet none
Vouch saf't or sought; for what peace will be giv'n
To us enslav'd, but custody servere,
And stripes, and arbitrary punishment...
Nor will occasion want, nor shall we need
With dangerous expedition to invade
Heav'n, whose high walls fear no assault or Seige
Or ambush from the Deep. What if we find
some easier enterprise?...
Having exposed how futile it would be to place any hope in invading heaven or somehow pulling one over on God and establishing their own kingdom, Beelzebub advocates a different approach to gaining revenge against God by destroying or seducing God's new and favored race called man.
There is a place
(If ancient and prophetic fame in Heav'n
Err not) another place, the happy seat
Of some new Race call'd Man, about this time
To be created, like to us, though less
In power and excellence, but favour'd more
Of him who rules above; so was his will
Pronounc'd amoung the Gods, and by an Oath,
That shook Heav'n's whole circumference, confirm'd.
Thither let us bend all our thoughts, to learn
What creatures there inhabit, of what mould,
Or substance, how endu'd, and what their Power,
And whence their weakness, how attempted best,
By force or subtlety: Though Heav'n be shut,
And Heav'n's high Arbitrator sit secure
In his own strength, this place may lie expos'd
The utmost border of his Kingdom, left
To their own defense who hold it: here perhaps
Some advantageous act may be achiev'd
By sudden onset, either will Hell fire
To waste his whole Creation, or possess
All as our own, and drive as we were driven
The puny habitants, or if not drive,
Seduce them to our Party, that their God
May prove their foe, and with repenting hand
Abolish his own works. This would surpass
Common revenge, and interrupt his Joy
In our Confusion, and our Joy upraise
In his disturbance; when his darling Sons
Hurl'd headlong to partake with us, shall curse
Their frail Originals, and faded bliss,
Faded so soon. (italics mine)
Being unable to defeat God through raw power, Satan's legions decided to wound God as deeply as possible by stealing the love of his beloved through seduction. And having "seduced them to his party," to ravish them body and soul; and having ravished them, to mock them even as they are hurled to the depths of hell with God himself unable to save them because of their rejection of him. This is Satan's motivation and goal for every man, woman, and child into whom God ever breathed the breath of life. Like a roaring lion, he "hungers" for us.
God could have given up on the love affair with mankind. He could have resorted to power and demanded our loyalty, could have given us a kind of spiritual lobotomy that would take away our choice to love him. Even now, he could easily obliterate our enemy and demand the allegiance of our hearts, but the love affair that began in the laughter of the Trinity would be over, at least for us. And Satan's accusation that the kingdom of God is established only through raw power would be vindicated.
Once we understand God's desire to possess our heart through love rather than power, we can fathom even more deeply the depth's of God's anguish as he pleads with Israel through the prophets to give up their spiritual adultery and return to his love. We can also comprehend the fierceness of his jealousy for the heart and spiritual well-being of his chosen ones as he raises up nations and armies to obliterate the society and culture that have become a breeding ground for the enemy's seduction of their heart. "I do this so you will know that it is I Who am the Lord your God" is the heart message he brings to Israel in Ezekiel and Jeremiah. "And when you have been stripped naked and ravished, your hearts will again call out to me for rescue and I will come and destroy your enemies."
All of us have had poignant ecstasies of heart over a love affair that subsequently turned to immobilizing pain and shock as we realized that our lover could actually know us and yet leave us for another. But have you ever dated someone and you just knew, from the first time you met her, that she was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? As you laughed and talked and marveled together, you felt you love deepen to a heart bond that you knew you never wanted to free yourself from. And have you ever been shocked to find one day that the one you loved so deeply and who you thought loved you just as passionately, had been dating other guys and moreover, was spending more and more of her time with your worst enemy?
Have you ever had to literally turn a lover over to a mortal enemy to allow her to find out for herself what his intentions toward her really were? Have you ever had to lie in bed knowing she was believing his lies and was having sex with him every night? Have you ever sat helplessly by in a parking lot, while your enemy and his friends took turns raping your lover even as you sat nearby, unable to win her heart enough so she would trust you to rescue her? Have you ever called this one you had loved for so long, even the day after her rape, and asked her if she was ready to come back to you only to have her say her heart was still captured by your enemy? Have you ever watched your lover's beauty slowly diminish and fade in a haze of alcohol, drugs, occult practices and infant sacrifice until she is no longer recognizable in body or soul? Have you ever loved one so much that you even send your only son to talk with her about your love for her, knowing that he will be killed by her? (And in spite of knowing all this, he was willing to do it because he loved her, too, and believed you were meant for each other.)
All this and more God has endured because of his refusal to stop loving us. Indeed, the very depth and faithfulness of his love for us, along with his desire for our freely given love in return, are what give Satan the ammunition to wound God so deeply as he carries out his unceasing campaign to make us into God's enemy.
The journey of our individual hearts, as well as the heart of an entire nation or culture, really distills into this warfare for our heart's devotion. It is the central plot of the Sacred Romance, Act III, life here on earth. Indeed, all of the subplots of our lives come out of it. Satan has camouflaged this simplicity with a thousand other religions, psychologies, philosophies, knowledges, and mysticisms over the centuries, but the embers of the love affair, sustained by God's faithfulness, have refused to die and grow completely cold...'
So yeah..how good is it? I can't really think of much to say right at this very moment..so I guess I'll leave this blog entry at that...
Cheerio, D-Man
'...What is clear is that Satan has lost the battle. Twice. The first time he was hurled in disgrace from the walls of heaven by Christ and his angels. The second time, he was unable to hold the crucified Christ within the gates of hell and was forced to hand over to him the keys to death and Hades. But for a time he is placed on what feels like a very long leash to do what he can among us with his roaring.
As we pick up the drama of Satan's defeat in heaven at the end of Act II, which John described to us in Chapter 6 through Paradise Lost, we find Satan lying face down in the lake of fire after having been hurled from the walls of heaven on the third day of his great battle with God and his angels. In shock that such a great force as his could have actually been defeated, he drags himself to a nearby island. He raises his head to see his angelic army strewn across the lake of fire like "autumn leaves" - the glow of heaven still upon them. Beelzebub, his chief lieutenant, convinces him to speak, that the sound of his voice might yet instill courage and hope in his legions.
Having lost everything with no chance for redemption, Lucifer, now Satan, tries to quiet the tears of his own heart and assure his legions that this place will never be able to hold such celestial spirits as they. He uses the despair, impotent rage, and hatred for God that they all feel to stir them to consider what "mature counsel" will once again give them hope and direction.
Lucifer and his war chiefs have lost their heavenly names but Milton refers to them by the names their notoriety on the earth will earn them. Moloch urges all-out assault on heaven and if they die in the process, so be it. At least the streets of heaven will run red with blood. Belial, the consummate politician, advises a policy of laying low so that perhaps God will eventually forget about them and they can then do what they want. Mammon basically says, "Guys, we can own this joint without God here to bug us. We'll run a number racket never before seen under heaven." It is at this point that Beelzebub breaks in to the dialogue with exasperation:
What sit we then projecting peace and war?
War hath determin'd us and foil'd us with loss
Irreparable; terms of peace, yet none
Vouch saf't or sought; for what peace will be giv'n
To us enslav'd, but custody servere,
And stripes, and arbitrary punishment...
Nor will occasion want, nor shall we need
With dangerous expedition to invade
Heav'n, whose high walls fear no assault or Seige
Or ambush from the Deep. What if we find
some easier enterprise?...
Having exposed how futile it would be to place any hope in invading heaven or somehow pulling one over on God and establishing their own kingdom, Beelzebub advocates a different approach to gaining revenge against God by destroying or seducing God's new and favored race called man.
There is a place
(If ancient and prophetic fame in Heav'n
Err not) another place, the happy seat
Of some new Race call'd Man, about this time
To be created, like to us, though less
In power and excellence, but favour'd more
Of him who rules above; so was his will
Pronounc'd amoung the Gods, and by an Oath,
That shook Heav'n's whole circumference, confirm'd.
Thither let us bend all our thoughts, to learn
What creatures there inhabit, of what mould,
Or substance, how endu'd, and what their Power,
And whence their weakness, how attempted best,
By force or subtlety: Though Heav'n be shut,
And Heav'n's high Arbitrator sit secure
In his own strength, this place may lie expos'd
The utmost border of his Kingdom, left
To their own defense who hold it: here perhaps
Some advantageous act may be achiev'd
By sudden onset, either will Hell fire
To waste his whole Creation, or possess
All as our own, and drive as we were driven
The puny habitants, or if not drive,
Seduce them to our Party, that their God
May prove their foe, and with repenting hand
Abolish his own works. This would surpass
Common revenge, and interrupt his Joy
In our Confusion, and our Joy upraise
In his disturbance; when his darling Sons
Hurl'd headlong to partake with us, shall curse
Their frail Originals, and faded bliss,
Faded so soon. (italics mine)
Being unable to defeat God through raw power, Satan's legions decided to wound God as deeply as possible by stealing the love of his beloved through seduction. And having "seduced them to his party," to ravish them body and soul; and having ravished them, to mock them even as they are hurled to the depths of hell with God himself unable to save them because of their rejection of him. This is Satan's motivation and goal for every man, woman, and child into whom God ever breathed the breath of life. Like a roaring lion, he "hungers" for us.
God could have given up on the love affair with mankind. He could have resorted to power and demanded our loyalty, could have given us a kind of spiritual lobotomy that would take away our choice to love him. Even now, he could easily obliterate our enemy and demand the allegiance of our hearts, but the love affair that began in the laughter of the Trinity would be over, at least for us. And Satan's accusation that the kingdom of God is established only through raw power would be vindicated.
Once we understand God's desire to possess our heart through love rather than power, we can fathom even more deeply the depth's of God's anguish as he pleads with Israel through the prophets to give up their spiritual adultery and return to his love. We can also comprehend the fierceness of his jealousy for the heart and spiritual well-being of his chosen ones as he raises up nations and armies to obliterate the society and culture that have become a breeding ground for the enemy's seduction of their heart. "I do this so you will know that it is I Who am the Lord your God" is the heart message he brings to Israel in Ezekiel and Jeremiah. "And when you have been stripped naked and ravished, your hearts will again call out to me for rescue and I will come and destroy your enemies."
All of us have had poignant ecstasies of heart over a love affair that subsequently turned to immobilizing pain and shock as we realized that our lover could actually know us and yet leave us for another. But have you ever dated someone and you just knew, from the first time you met her, that she was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? As you laughed and talked and marveled together, you felt you love deepen to a heart bond that you knew you never wanted to free yourself from. And have you ever been shocked to find one day that the one you loved so deeply and who you thought loved you just as passionately, had been dating other guys and moreover, was spending more and more of her time with your worst enemy?
Have you ever had to literally turn a lover over to a mortal enemy to allow her to find out for herself what his intentions toward her really were? Have you ever had to lie in bed knowing she was believing his lies and was having sex with him every night? Have you ever sat helplessly by in a parking lot, while your enemy and his friends took turns raping your lover even as you sat nearby, unable to win her heart enough so she would trust you to rescue her? Have you ever called this one you had loved for so long, even the day after her rape, and asked her if she was ready to come back to you only to have her say her heart was still captured by your enemy? Have you ever watched your lover's beauty slowly diminish and fade in a haze of alcohol, drugs, occult practices and infant sacrifice until she is no longer recognizable in body or soul? Have you ever loved one so much that you even send your only son to talk with her about your love for her, knowing that he will be killed by her? (And in spite of knowing all this, he was willing to do it because he loved her, too, and believed you were meant for each other.)
All this and more God has endured because of his refusal to stop loving us. Indeed, the very depth and faithfulness of his love for us, along with his desire for our freely given love in return, are what give Satan the ammunition to wound God so deeply as he carries out his unceasing campaign to make us into God's enemy.
The journey of our individual hearts, as well as the heart of an entire nation or culture, really distills into this warfare for our heart's devotion. It is the central plot of the Sacred Romance, Act III, life here on earth. Indeed, all of the subplots of our lives come out of it. Satan has camouflaged this simplicity with a thousand other religions, psychologies, philosophies, knowledges, and mysticisms over the centuries, but the embers of the love affair, sustained by God's faithfulness, have refused to die and grow completely cold...'
So yeah..how good is it? I can't really think of much to say right at this very moment..so I guess I'll leave this blog entry at that...
Cheerio, D-Man
Friday, 28 April 2006
India fundraisers, Mils' party and the times
Well, it's been a while since my last blog entry..kinda haven't had time to write anything lately. A lot has been happening in the past 3 weeks. One thing I've been coming to realize is how fast everyone is growing up! Oh my goodness! Seems just like yesterday...hmm sounds like a song! Yeah, far out, Renae..whom I've known since she was about 8 or something is getting married in a month or so!! How good is it!! Woot Renae, kudos to you, you rock my socks!
It's been one heck of a learning curve over the last few months, trying to let go of things and simply trust in God. I still slip up occasionally, but I think God has moved me far from where I was at the start of the year. I'm starting to see patterns in my life, and whilst I can't do anything about them myself. Now that I can see them I can start praying about them..which is the only way they're gonna change anyway, so that's good :)
Hmm...had Phil's Singing Concert for India last week..I was singing, so it was as scary as hell. Like everything, I don't actually get nervous until right before, and I'm talking RIGHT BEFORE I have to do something in front of people. This was no exception. I hit the stage, and I could barely concentrate. My voice was totally wrecked from a cold I'd had all week, so I made a pretty bodgey (like my word? bodgey) job of it...but everyone was raving about it like sliced bread, so I guess it can't have been that bad.
Tonight we had a dinner fundraiser for India at a restaurant that is closing down. Was pretty good...ate too much though. And yeah..was pretty good...ate too much th..oh wait..
Memory of the entry: Milsy's 17 Birthday party. Well, had heaps of fun that night. Got dressed up as 'The Punisher' with the leather trench coat and the skull tee-shirt and the whole bit..barring the guns, now that would have been cool. Dyed my hair black for the occasion, was heaps of fun. Milsy came dressed up as Beauty from Beauty and the Beast, while Matty came dressed up as the Penguin..looked absolutely awesome. Widget came dressed as the Scarecrow..pics are uploaded if you want to check it out :) The whole night was pretty laid back, and yeah, just had an awesome night.....ok, ok I admit that was a pretty lame excuse for a memory, considering the detail in the last one, but..I'm kinda tired. I'll do better next time I promise.
Cheerio, D-Man
It's been one heck of a learning curve over the last few months, trying to let go of things and simply trust in God. I still slip up occasionally, but I think God has moved me far from where I was at the start of the year. I'm starting to see patterns in my life, and whilst I can't do anything about them myself. Now that I can see them I can start praying about them..which is the only way they're gonna change anyway, so that's good :)
Hmm...had Phil's Singing Concert for India last week..I was singing, so it was as scary as hell. Like everything, I don't actually get nervous until right before, and I'm talking RIGHT BEFORE I have to do something in front of people. This was no exception. I hit the stage, and I could barely concentrate. My voice was totally wrecked from a cold I'd had all week, so I made a pretty bodgey (like my word? bodgey) job of it...but everyone was raving about it like sliced bread, so I guess it can't have been that bad.
Tonight we had a dinner fundraiser for India at a restaurant that is closing down. Was pretty good...ate too much though. And yeah..was pretty good...ate too much th..oh wait..
Memory of the entry: Milsy's 17 Birthday party. Well, had heaps of fun that night. Got dressed up as 'The Punisher' with the leather trench coat and the skull tee-shirt and the whole bit..barring the guns, now that would have been cool. Dyed my hair black for the occasion, was heaps of fun. Milsy came dressed up as Beauty from Beauty and the Beast, while Matty came dressed up as the Penguin..looked absolutely awesome. Widget came dressed as the Scarecrow..pics are uploaded if you want to check it out :) The whole night was pretty laid back, and yeah, just had an awesome night.....ok, ok I admit that was a pretty lame excuse for a memory, considering the detail in the last one, but..I'm kinda tired. I'll do better next time I promise.
Cheerio, D-Man
Thursday, 13 April 2006
Ignite '06 Photos
Yeah great entry :P anyway, new photo's..check 'em out!! I'll get more when I get 'em...
Cheerio, D-Man
Cheerio, D-Man
Sunday, 2 April 2006
Autumn comes
New poem... yeah... not much to say at the moment... Stay tuned (hehe) for music in the background...
You remind me of a childhood time
Playing in the park in Autumn
The wind blew with clouds in the sky
And rains blotted the sun
The overwhelming smells of oak
Filled the air with color
Whisping around like faint smoke
Without a care or d'ruther
Grey was the color in the air
And gold were the leaves
Falling ever so gently there
To the ground from the trees
They littered the ground
Making patterns in the grass
And swishing sounds
Until the very last
I as a boy, would play here
Romping around in my boots
Nothing to lose, nothing to fear
Proud of myself to the roots
Memories only, remains now
I am now not the same
Times change and boys grow
But you and I remain
Cheerio, D-Man
You remind me of a childhood time
Playing in the park in Autumn
The wind blew with clouds in the sky
And rains blotted the sun
The overwhelming smells of oak
Filled the air with color
Whisping around like faint smoke
Without a care or d'ruther
Grey was the color in the air
And gold were the leaves
Falling ever so gently there
To the ground from the trees
They littered the ground
Making patterns in the grass
And swishing sounds
Until the very last
I as a boy, would play here
Romping around in my boots
Nothing to lose, nothing to fear
Proud of myself to the roots
Memories only, remains now
I am now not the same
Times change and boys grow
But you and I remain
Cheerio, D-Man
Monday, 27 March 2006
Manifest, memories, and God
God is awesome. I really feel like I've had a breakthrough at this time. I haven't felt this good in at least 6 months. I don't know really why..the timing is wierd, but yeah..it's good. Mood in a word: excited. Music in the background: Replenish - Underground. Just listening to it takes me back, and I can remember very clearly. It was a Monday during the holidays last year. I was sitting at the sound desk about half an hour before something. The sun was shining and I had just brought 3 new CDs, which this was one of. This was before camp last year...I was listening to it for the very first time, and I seem to remember Matty coming in for something.
I've read through The Sacred Romance and Journey of Desire by John Eldredge..yeah I know, I'm a John Eldredge freak...get over it! lol, he rocks. Anyway, one of the things that came up briefly in the former and explored in the latter was this idea of a 'haunting'. Memories of times when your heart was lifted and there didn't seem to be a problem in the world, when you were at peace...memories of times when you simply didn't want them to end. Different things trigger these memories, ie. for me it's music in a big way, I don't think I can really listen to any of my albums without remembering something...it can be other things though, I can remember big things like camp from certain smells sometimes..yeah..anyway...
My mood isn't dependent on the music however...it's just God's grace. I can't say enough how awesome God is!
Manifest was awesome despite the first day being really kinda...not so good. The second day more than made up for it. I really learned a lot from the different streams and I think I picked the right ones:
Creative Ministries - Sidney Mohedhe
Worship Leading - Henry Seeley
Drums & Bass - Dave Nygaard & Ben
Leadership - Bram Manusama
Youth Bands - Henry Seeley
Song Writing - Ben Manusama
There was heaps of material, and I have been applying some of it in Illuminus & worship already.
I've decided to put in each blog entry a memory with as much detail as I can, so if I forget, I can always reference it :) so..here goes...
Manifest:
Saturday: I got up at 5:00am..still dark...and had a shower, walked over to Mils' place at around 6:00am. Started zoning just sitting on the couch. Michelle and Brad took ages to get there from picking up Matty. I was absolutely smashed...my state was pretty much summed up by these words at Maccas: "Why don't you...drop it...every time then?"..trust me, it was demented.. The worship that morning, in the stadium, everyone was going absolutely mental! God was in the house and He anointed the worship leaders up the front. The first song was One Way - United...as soon as I heard it smashed as I was, I was like "Nup, going up the front!" I really let go and worshiped God with everything I had. That afternoon, the sun was fairly hot overhead. We went out onto the grassy field to eat lunch. Me and Sam on a spur of the moment did a run-around into the oval underneath the sprinklers. Didn't get that wet, but I was damp for a while. I laid on the ground almost the entire time and covered my eyes with my arms. I left five minutes before my stream started because of the conversation topic..yeah Sam..you! lol!! My first stream for the day was Youth Bands, it was really good and practical..so I'm not going into to much detail here...I have the notes. Second stream was song writing. Ben Manusama had a really different approach to writing songs. He went in depth into the lyrical structure of songs..one example he used was Rock of Ages..others were, Adonai, All Honor, etc. The drive home was pretty anticlimactic...we stopped at Maccas for tea, Sam freaked out some Greek family or something. I slept most of the way home. At some point Mils' put Johnny Cash on...that's when I fell asleep :P...but we had United We Stand and Blessed on for most of the car trip. We got home by about 8:00pm.
Okies, this is a seriously long blog entry...
Cheerio, D-Man
I've read through The Sacred Romance and Journey of Desire by John Eldredge..yeah I know, I'm a John Eldredge freak...get over it! lol, he rocks. Anyway, one of the things that came up briefly in the former and explored in the latter was this idea of a 'haunting'. Memories of times when your heart was lifted and there didn't seem to be a problem in the world, when you were at peace...memories of times when you simply didn't want them to end. Different things trigger these memories, ie. for me it's music in a big way, I don't think I can really listen to any of my albums without remembering something...it can be other things though, I can remember big things like camp from certain smells sometimes..yeah..anyway...
My mood isn't dependent on the music however...it's just God's grace. I can't say enough how awesome God is!
Manifest was awesome despite the first day being really kinda...not so good. The second day more than made up for it. I really learned a lot from the different streams and I think I picked the right ones:
Creative Ministries - Sidney Mohedhe
Worship Leading - Henry Seeley
Drums & Bass - Dave Nygaard & Ben
Leadership - Bram Manusama
Youth Bands - Henry Seeley
Song Writing - Ben Manusama
There was heaps of material, and I have been applying some of it in Illuminus & worship already.
I've decided to put in each blog entry a memory with as much detail as I can, so if I forget, I can always reference it :) so..here goes...
Manifest:
Saturday: I got up at 5:00am..still dark...and had a shower, walked over to Mils' place at around 6:00am. Started zoning just sitting on the couch. Michelle and Brad took ages to get there from picking up Matty. I was absolutely smashed...my state was pretty much summed up by these words at Maccas: "Why don't you...drop it...every time then?"..trust me, it was demented.. The worship that morning, in the stadium, everyone was going absolutely mental! God was in the house and He anointed the worship leaders up the front. The first song was One Way - United...as soon as I heard it smashed as I was, I was like "Nup, going up the front!" I really let go and worshiped God with everything I had. That afternoon, the sun was fairly hot overhead. We went out onto the grassy field to eat lunch. Me and Sam on a spur of the moment did a run-around into the oval underneath the sprinklers. Didn't get that wet, but I was damp for a while. I laid on the ground almost the entire time and covered my eyes with my arms. I left five minutes before my stream started because of the conversation topic..yeah Sam..you! lol!! My first stream for the day was Youth Bands, it was really good and practical..so I'm not going into to much detail here...I have the notes. Second stream was song writing. Ben Manusama had a really different approach to writing songs. He went in depth into the lyrical structure of songs..one example he used was Rock of Ages..others were, Adonai, All Honor, etc. The drive home was pretty anticlimactic...we stopped at Maccas for tea, Sam freaked out some Greek family or something. I slept most of the way home. At some point Mils' put Johnny Cash on...that's when I fell asleep :P...but we had United We Stand and Blessed on for most of the car trip. We got home by about 8:00pm.
Okies, this is a seriously long blog entry...
Cheerio, D-Man
Friday, 24 March 2006
Manifest, music and my life
Well, hmm, lets see...Isn't it funny how my titles usually have three words and they all start with the same letter? Yeah..anyway...it's been a while since my last blog entry, a fair bit has happened. I've made some decisions in my life to live by faith, and so far it's a really rocky road. I've been coming to recognize the attacks of the enemy for what they are. My life hasn't really gotten any better on the outside...it probably won't.
I've been reading John Eldredge's book, 'Waking the Dead' about coming back to a fullness of heart and hoping for the future. It's a very good book, and one that has sparked my decision. I think I have some very tough things to go through, which is gonna suck, but I'm holding onto the promise of God for my future...and other things. How I wish things could be different. How I wish things could be as they were, but I know it's never going to happen, even as I know that dwelling on the past is not good either.
I know there are things in my life that I have to let God deal with before I can really go anywhere, so I think I have a pretty tough road ahead of me for a while...but at least I'll be awesome when He's done aye? : ) ... or better anyway. I've been under fire pretty hardcore lately, and I haven't really felt that I can tell anyone because no-one seems to understand exactly what I'm going through. I'm not even sure I really can, and I can't really put into words anyway, I guess. I've decided to have a little 'character growth' in my life, just trying to be a bit more stable than I have been...eg. rather than bringing everyone down with moodiness, I'm giving my circumstances to God and (trying to) rejoicing in Him anyway.
These last few weeks have been pretty hectic...I've literally not had a night to myself all week, and been surviving on an average of 7 hours sleep a night, except for last night when I had to made do on 2 because of Manifest. To be honest, the first day of manifest wasn't that great. The worship was totally awesome in the morning just after rego, but the day was a real drag after that. I don't know whether this had to do with my lack of sleep or what, but I just couldn't really get into it.
Some good music has come out recently, aww yeah....The new United album 'United We Stand' has FINALLY arrived...and totally rocks my socks, also MuteMath's self-titled debut album. Very chill. Very very chill. Fully awesome. Better than Coldplay...and that's saying something. I figured out the connection between Adam LaClave (Macrosick) and Paul Meany (MuteMath) What made them tick together as Earthsuit...Adam came up with all the funky junk rock licks and high energy whilst Paul was more focused on the mellow, arty, chill expressions in their songs. Now that they have become their own bands..it is really easy to tell where Earthsuit got it's sound from. Plumb's new album 'Chaotic Resolve' has also recently come out. I picked it up completely by accident, but it is very cool. A cross between Evanescence and Sixpence None the Richer for sound, and it works really well. Also Building 429's new album 'Rise' has been ordered...hopefully it won't take to long to get here...anyway...rather than boring you with more muso crap that no-one but myself is interested in.. I'll leave you with a proverb.
"If those who know don't say anything, then those who don't know will."
Cheerio, 'lil D-Man
I've been reading John Eldredge's book, 'Waking the Dead' about coming back to a fullness of heart and hoping for the future. It's a very good book, and one that has sparked my decision. I think I have some very tough things to go through, which is gonna suck, but I'm holding onto the promise of God for my future...and other things. How I wish things could be different. How I wish things could be as they were, but I know it's never going to happen, even as I know that dwelling on the past is not good either.
I know there are things in my life that I have to let God deal with before I can really go anywhere, so I think I have a pretty tough road ahead of me for a while...but at least I'll be awesome when He's done aye? : ) ... or better anyway. I've been under fire pretty hardcore lately, and I haven't really felt that I can tell anyone because no-one seems to understand exactly what I'm going through. I'm not even sure I really can, and I can't really put into words anyway, I guess. I've decided to have a little 'character growth' in my life, just trying to be a bit more stable than I have been...eg. rather than bringing everyone down with moodiness, I'm giving my circumstances to God and (trying to) rejoicing in Him anyway.
These last few weeks have been pretty hectic...I've literally not had a night to myself all week, and been surviving on an average of 7 hours sleep a night, except for last night when I had to made do on 2 because of Manifest. To be honest, the first day of manifest wasn't that great. The worship was totally awesome in the morning just after rego, but the day was a real drag after that. I don't know whether this had to do with my lack of sleep or what, but I just couldn't really get into it.
Some good music has come out recently, aww yeah....The new United album 'United We Stand' has FINALLY arrived...and totally rocks my socks, also MuteMath's self-titled debut album. Very chill. Very very chill. Fully awesome. Better than Coldplay...and that's saying something. I figured out the connection between Adam LaClave (Macrosick) and Paul Meany (MuteMath) What made them tick together as Earthsuit...Adam came up with all the funky junk rock licks and high energy whilst Paul was more focused on the mellow, arty, chill expressions in their songs. Now that they have become their own bands..it is really easy to tell where Earthsuit got it's sound from. Plumb's new album 'Chaotic Resolve' has also recently come out. I picked it up completely by accident, but it is very cool. A cross between Evanescence and Sixpence None the Richer for sound, and it works really well. Also Building 429's new album 'Rise' has been ordered...hopefully it won't take to long to get here...anyway...rather than boring you with more muso crap that no-one but myself is interested in.. I'll leave you with a proverb.
"If those who know don't say anything, then those who don't know will."
Cheerio, 'lil D-Man
Thursday, 9 March 2006
My Journey of Desire
Well, over the last couple of weeks, I've learned about the importance of following your heart and the journey of desire. I have also learned how little I truly know, and how dangerous some desires...even good ones, can be if they are too strong. This is not a reason for throwing out your desires...nothing can be more destructive to your heart. It is a difficult line to follow...damned if you do and damned if you don't, but the outcomes of following your desires in the long run are much more healthy for you.
So much has happened and continues to happen in my life over the last couple of years. It is a period of change in my life, some good some bad. I know that God is sovereign and I have faith that He is in total control of my life. I DON'T know much else for sure. I pray everyday for my desires to be realized, and God's will be done in my life. Sometimes they seem so close and then other times so far. It can be a temptation to go too far when they are close, but I know that now is not the right time. My desires can seem so strong sometimes though, almost as if they were written on my soul in fire.
These times are tests, I realize, a building of character in my life. Times of growth and drawing near to the Lord. They draw out a lot of ugly characteristics from me...impatience, paranoia, anger, frustration, grief, despair, childishness. However, they come to pass, and leave with them a sense of hope for the future.
God knows my heart, and He reveals it more and more to me each day.
Cheerio, D-Man
So much has happened and continues to happen in my life over the last couple of years. It is a period of change in my life, some good some bad. I know that God is sovereign and I have faith that He is in total control of my life. I DON'T know much else for sure. I pray everyday for my desires to be realized, and God's will be done in my life. Sometimes they seem so close and then other times so far. It can be a temptation to go too far when they are close, but I know that now is not the right time. My desires can seem so strong sometimes though, almost as if they were written on my soul in fire.
These times are tests, I realize, a building of character in my life. Times of growth and drawing near to the Lord. They draw out a lot of ugly characteristics from me...impatience, paranoia, anger, frustration, grief, despair, childishness. However, they come to pass, and leave with them a sense of hope for the future.
God knows my heart, and He reveals it more and more to me each day.
Cheerio, D-Man
Sunday, 19 February 2006
Through it all
Woot! New layout! Was getting...not bored...but close, with the old one. So yeah, new look to my MSN space. How good is it, ohmygoodness, ohmygoodness and all that.
Well, the crap has definitely hit the fan as the saying goes. I feel that I'm in the right spot, and that this is a trial by fire. I believe that I'm believing the right things, holding onto the right things, but at the moment, nothing could be further from my reality. I'm holding onto God's promises for me, and staying in the center of His will. As Maximus puts it "...all else is shadows and dust...all else is dust and air..." Nothing else is more important to me at the moment than being right with God.
Being me, I've written a new poem, yes it is relevant...as are all my poems, but also not the entire truth, as are all poems. I've been praying hardcore for the last week and a half, and I know that God is going to pull through for me, it's just a matter of time...even so, I pray that it won't be long. Being in this place sucks hardcore.
Through it all, I am yours
Know that I love you evermore
Even when it doesn't seen to shine
Know that you are mine
When the rains come along
I will always always hold on
Even when things all go wrong
Never stop singing our song
Through it all, You are mine
I'll hold onto you, with love divine
When the winds blow us apart
I will come back to your heart
Just hold on, stay strong
It now won't be long
God will get us through
This time of solitude
Hold me in the arms of love
So warm and secure, God above
In His wisdom placed us here
So there is nothing to fear
It is simply a test, a trial by fire
To show that it's you I desire
I will never, ever let you go
Because I love you so
You are so beautiful
There's nothing comparable
It is simply you I adore
Only you and nothing more
Failures come and victories go
Time crawls and life slows
But you and I will always remain
Apart now, but together again
Through it all, I am here
Waiting for you, almost near
Though it all, hold onto me
On wings of eagles so free
For love will make us fly
High above, in to the sky
Away from all troubles and things below
Forever hold on, forever hope
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a; 11; 13
"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.... 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
http://www.bible.ca/ef/expository-numbers-6-22-27.htm
Numbers 6: 24-26
"24 The Lord bless you, and keep you, 25 may His face shine on you, and be gracious to you. 26 The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace."
Oh and Detour 180's song "I'm For You", has some of the coolest lyrics...so does Mercy Me's "The Love of God" but I'll save that for next blog entry.
Whats a boy to do, searching for the heart of You
Reaching out again, searching for the invisible God
Who knows knows my every tear
Who holds my every fear
I'm for you, and I'll hold you until the end of time
I gave it all for you, from wounded hands of love divine
I'm for you, I'm for you
Cheerio, D-Man
Proverb: "If you are scared to fail then you will never attempt anything."
Well, the crap has definitely hit the fan as the saying goes. I feel that I'm in the right spot, and that this is a trial by fire. I believe that I'm believing the right things, holding onto the right things, but at the moment, nothing could be further from my reality. I'm holding onto God's promises for me, and staying in the center of His will. As Maximus puts it "...all else is shadows and dust...all else is dust and air..." Nothing else is more important to me at the moment than being right with God.
Being me, I've written a new poem, yes it is relevant...as are all my poems, but also not the entire truth, as are all poems. I've been praying hardcore for the last week and a half, and I know that God is going to pull through for me, it's just a matter of time...even so, I pray that it won't be long. Being in this place sucks hardcore.
Through it all, I am yours
Know that I love you evermore
Even when it doesn't seen to shine
Know that you are mine
When the rains come along
I will always always hold on
Even when things all go wrong
Never stop singing our song
Through it all, You are mine
I'll hold onto you, with love divine
When the winds blow us apart
I will come back to your heart
Just hold on, stay strong
It now won't be long
God will get us through
This time of solitude
Hold me in the arms of love
So warm and secure, God above
In His wisdom placed us here
So there is nothing to fear
It is simply a test, a trial by fire
To show that it's you I desire
I will never, ever let you go
Because I love you so
You are so beautiful
There's nothing comparable
It is simply you I adore
Only you and nothing more
Failures come and victories go
Time crawls and life slows
But you and I will always remain
Apart now, but together again
Through it all, I am here
Waiting for you, almost near
Though it all, hold onto me
On wings of eagles so free
For love will make us fly
High above, in to the sky
Away from all troubles and things below
Forever hold on, forever hope
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a; 11; 13
"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.... 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
http://www.bible.ca/ef/expository-numbers-6-22-27.htm
Numbers 6: 24-26
"24 The Lord bless you, and keep you, 25 may His face shine on you, and be gracious to you. 26 The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace."
Oh and Detour 180's song "I'm For You", has some of the coolest lyrics...so does Mercy Me's "The Love of God" but I'll save that for next blog entry.
Whats a boy to do, searching for the heart of You
Reaching out again, searching for the invisible God
Who knows knows my every tear
Who holds my every fear
I'm for you, and I'll hold you until the end of time
I gave it all for you, from wounded hands of love divine
I'm for you, I'm for you
Cheerio, D-Man
Proverb: "If you are scared to fail then you will never attempt anything."
Wednesday, 15 February 2006
Life and lack of passion
Well, things have dropped substantially since my last entry. I'm starting to feel like a yo yo. Everything starts good in the morning and by the end of the day I'm either smashed physically, mentally or emotionally. I seem to be a glutton for punishment..or a dupe, either way I'm stuffed. The last three weeks have just worn me down to the point where I'm barely holding on enough to care about anything anymore. I'm not finding joy in my friendships, in my music, there's simply a lack of passion in my life at the moment. And I really don't know what to do about it. Feels like all my life I've been living behind a buffer and now finally that buffer has been taken away
Through it all, God's really been challenging my faith, to simply trust that He has everything under control even when your entire world has gone to crap. So...that's what I gotta do. Keep holding onto His promises. I've cracked a number of times already, it's only been because of my best mate that I've gotten this far. The best part is...I can see things getting a lot worse before they get better. Kinda sucks for me.
Things to look forward to:
The weekend
Manifest
Ignite
The end of this period in my life
Drumming
Hanging with my mates
Worshiping God
I think that's about it.
I've realized over the last few weeks that no one actually reads this anymore, so yeah...if your reading it, you get a gold star, you're one of the faithful few.
Cheerio, D-Man
Through it all, God's really been challenging my faith, to simply trust that He has everything under control even when your entire world has gone to crap. So...that's what I gotta do. Keep holding onto His promises. I've cracked a number of times already, it's only been because of my best mate that I've gotten this far. The best part is...I can see things getting a lot worse before they get better. Kinda sucks for me.
Things to look forward to:
The weekend
Manifest
Ignite
The end of this period in my life
Drumming
Hanging with my mates
Worshiping God
I think that's about it.
I've realized over the last few weeks that no one actually reads this anymore, so yeah...if your reading it, you get a gold star, you're one of the faithful few.
Cheerio, D-Man
Monday, 13 February 2006
Happy Valentine's Day
Happy Valentine's day! Woot for love hearts, roses, chocolates, and all things pink, red, or fluffy! Yep.
Well, what's been happening in my life you say? I could tell you but, I'm not really in the mood today. Let's just say youth band has started back up and it's good. God is awesome and youth group's awesome, and church is awesome...even my future wife's awesome (so I believe :P)...in short everything is awesome, except for two things, which I'm currently praying about...Not for public consumption..yet, anyway, sorry about the length and lack thereof of this, my blog entry.
Oh and while I'm at it..."I'm For You" by Detour 180 is the BEST song eva! omygosh omygosh and all that. Seriously though, gives me the chills every time I hear it... Chorus is as follows:
I'm for you, I'll hold you til the end of time
Save it all for you, from wounded hands, I'll love divine
I'm for you, I'm for you
Yeah...God's personal valentine to us, how totally beyond awesome is it!
And now for my random statement of the day. I...really really...miss camp, damn it! It hasn't really hit me this year as much as any of the others...until now....erk...must concentrate.
Cheerio, D-Man
Well, what's been happening in my life you say? I could tell you but, I'm not really in the mood today. Let's just say youth band has started back up and it's good. God is awesome and youth group's awesome, and church is awesome...even my future wife's awesome (so I believe :P)...in short everything is awesome, except for two things, which I'm currently praying about...Not for public consumption..yet, anyway, sorry about the length and lack thereof of this, my blog entry.
Oh and while I'm at it..."I'm For You" by Detour 180 is the BEST song eva! omygosh omygosh and all that. Seriously though, gives me the chills every time I hear it... Chorus is as follows:
I'm for you, I'll hold you til the end of time
Save it all for you, from wounded hands, I'll love divine
I'm for you, I'm for you
Yeah...God's personal valentine to us, how totally beyond awesome is it!
And now for my random statement of the day. I...really really...miss camp, damn it! It hasn't really hit me this year as much as any of the others...until now....erk...must concentrate.
Cheerio, D-Man
Tuesday, 7 February 2006
Life as of the 8th
Well, here we are again. At last, I thought we wouldn't make it...there were some times when I thought we were done for but God pulled us through. I've been wanting to tell you...
If only it was as easy as it is when looking at it in the past. I've had a really rough week this week. I feel like I've been walking on a knife edge and it's only been getting worse. Through it all I've been feeling that God is just saying hold on, you can make it, focus on Me and My promises for you, but damn it can be hard to have faith sometimes.
This week, just about everything is suddenly...blah...right in my face. It's not the most pleasant feeling in the world.
I've come to a small realization that God is in total control...not that I didn't know it before but you ever know something and then it clicks? Well it's like that. I still don't know that He's in TOTAL control...if I did, I would have total faith and that would be awesome...but over my lifetime He's slowly bringing me round. So yeah, I'm holding on, still, until He comes through for me. I mean how awesome is it that, despite everything we think we go through...God's got it all planned out for you already, and even when things don't work out, He's got more ahead for you than you could ever imagine!
Piano still rocks. I've been getting it to the point where I can actually play not to badly and it just...rocks. Yeah. I still enjoy drums better though. More and more I can see where my life is headed...it should be fun!
I've decided I need to really get stuck into the Bible. Since the end of last year some time I've really been having trouble finding time to read it...and I think that's what half of my problem is. So yeah. At least half an hour a day if I can.
I've also decided to start on a regime of sit-ups and push-ups everyday. No reason..that I want to say :P
Anyhoo...
Cheerio, D-Man
Proverb: "Life is incomplete without love."
If only it was as easy as it is when looking at it in the past. I've had a really rough week this week. I feel like I've been walking on a knife edge and it's only been getting worse. Through it all I've been feeling that God is just saying hold on, you can make it, focus on Me and My promises for you, but damn it can be hard to have faith sometimes.
This week, just about everything is suddenly...blah...right in my face. It's not the most pleasant feeling in the world.
I've come to a small realization that God is in total control...not that I didn't know it before but you ever know something and then it clicks? Well it's like that. I still don't know that He's in TOTAL control...if I did, I would have total faith and that would be awesome...but over my lifetime He's slowly bringing me round. So yeah, I'm holding on, still, until He comes through for me. I mean how awesome is it that, despite everything we think we go through...God's got it all planned out for you already, and even when things don't work out, He's got more ahead for you than you could ever imagine!
Piano still rocks. I've been getting it to the point where I can actually play not to badly and it just...rocks. Yeah. I still enjoy drums better though. More and more I can see where my life is headed...it should be fun!
I've decided I need to really get stuck into the Bible. Since the end of last year some time I've really been having trouble finding time to read it...and I think that's what half of my problem is. So yeah. At least half an hour a day if I can.
I've also decided to start on a regime of sit-ups and push-ups everyday. No reason..that I want to say :P
Anyhoo...
Cheerio, D-Man
Proverb: "Life is incomplete without love."
Monday, 30 January 2006
Reload '06...what a blast!
Well I'm back from Reload '06..it was totally AWESOME! The whole focus was about discipline your world. About bringing your separate worlds whatever they be (school, home, work, etc.) together and really just letting God work through you in them.
About 8 of us went down to Phillip Island for 4 days...(starting on Thursday) If you missed it, then you missed out! Big time! (Sorry Mils!) We had an AWESOME time fellowshipping with each other, connecting with God, learning to connect with people. Everyone was very incredibly tired afterward (not as bad as youth camp though), but it was worth it. The days consisted of a worship and preaching session in the morning after breakfast, followed by lunch and workshops, then (generally) by a couple of hours of swimming, resting, cards, activities, etc. Tea followed, as well as more worship and preaching. Then yep....karaoke!! Woot! I would like to say that I didn't participate in the karaoke and make a dismal failure of it...but that would be a lie. Renae and Jess also went up and sang, although they did much better than I :P. We managed to snag one of the so called 'Bling Men' from the convention, so we'll be hanging him up in the hall...yeah...
Everyone got heaps out of it and grew in God. I pray that we continue to do so out of such an environment and are able to put into practice what we have learned.
Anyway. next on the list....Manifest TD6 (hopefully), and Ignite '06...awwwww yeah! If you didn't catch reload, then I'll hopefully see you at those two, and if not well hey...there's always next year right?
Cheerio, D-Man
About 8 of us went down to Phillip Island for 4 days...(starting on Thursday) If you missed it, then you missed out! Big time! (Sorry Mils!) We had an AWESOME time fellowshipping with each other, connecting with God, learning to connect with people. Everyone was very incredibly tired afterward (not as bad as youth camp though), but it was worth it. The days consisted of a worship and preaching session in the morning after breakfast, followed by lunch and workshops, then (generally) by a couple of hours of swimming, resting, cards, activities, etc. Tea followed, as well as more worship and preaching. Then yep....karaoke!! Woot! I would like to say that I didn't participate in the karaoke and make a dismal failure of it...but that would be a lie. Renae and Jess also went up and sang, although they did much better than I :P. We managed to snag one of the so called 'Bling Men' from the convention, so we'll be hanging him up in the hall...yeah...
Everyone got heaps out of it and grew in God. I pray that we continue to do so out of such an environment and are able to put into practice what we have learned.
Anyway. next on the list....Manifest TD6 (hopefully), and Ignite '06...awwwww yeah! If you didn't catch reload, then I'll hopefully see you at those two, and if not well hey...there's always next year right?
Cheerio, D-Man
Monday, 23 January 2006
Faith, marriage and reminisce
Hey guys! Just letting you know, I'm feeling heaps better today...under the surface there are still doubts, but I've decided to let go of them...so they aren't at the forefront of my mind. I had a big talk with my best mate yesterday. We are opposite kind of people. Whenever he seems down I can usually cheer him up, and vice versa, and it's usually one or the other never both together, so we balance each other pretty well. I am more determined than ever to hold onto the promises of God, I've got them now and I won't ever let 'em go. Damn straight!
I can't wait until I get married. It's gonna rock so damn hard! My wife is just gonna lift my world. Not that there won't ever be mistakes or challenges to get past, but that's all part of the deal, and I am gonna love every single moment I am with her!
Life is in a real slump these last few weeks, with holidays on, nothing much has been happening. Weekends are a highlight...hanging with friends and chillin' with God. I've felt really distant from everything though. Can't wait for everything to just get back to normal...or...as normal as life is for me :P.
Listening to United - To the Ends of the Earth. Damn good album! I got it about 3 years ago (during 1st year of uni) and listened to it literally 24-7 for at least 8 months. Listening to it now brings me back a heap of good memories, especially of Illuminus, the youth band. We rock for God! And it has been totally awesome to be able to be included with all of the band members lives. I am living in a world of Giants and am humbled in their presence. It has been a total honor my friends! Stay true to God!
BTW: I'm trying to put headings on all my photos..there's just so damn many it might take a little. Things are slowly getting done around here, so check back anytime.
Anyhoo cheerio, D-Man
Proverb: "To the world you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world..."
I can't wait until I get married. It's gonna rock so damn hard! My wife is just gonna lift my world. Not that there won't ever be mistakes or challenges to get past, but that's all part of the deal, and I am gonna love every single moment I am with her!
Life is in a real slump these last few weeks, with holidays on, nothing much has been happening. Weekends are a highlight...hanging with friends and chillin' with God. I've felt really distant from everything though. Can't wait for everything to just get back to normal...or...as normal as life is for me :P.
Listening to United - To the Ends of the Earth. Damn good album! I got it about 3 years ago (during 1st year of uni) and listened to it literally 24-7 for at least 8 months. Listening to it now brings me back a heap of good memories, especially of Illuminus, the youth band. We rock for God! And it has been totally awesome to be able to be included with all of the band members lives. I am living in a world of Giants and am humbled in their presence. It has been a total honor my friends! Stay true to God!
BTW: I'm trying to put headings on all my photos..there's just so damn many it might take a little. Things are slowly getting done around here, so check back anytime.
Anyhoo cheerio, D-Man
Proverb: "To the world you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world..."
Sunday, 22 January 2006
Day by day
Hey guys, yep you guessed it. Another blog entry! Woot! Not much really to write, but I have written a new poem (with Missy Higgins playing in the background so you know it's gonna be sappy and wildly exaggerated...) No particular reason. Just yeah, not feeling the greatest. But hey! I'll get there...yeah, so don't worry.
Oh and in other news...this blog has been viewed 1000 times! Wow, I feel special...or something...yeah, anyway....
Day by Day
I can remember when, I was safe
In a world of my own, my creation
Locked away in my tower, with no key
Hidden away from love, nothing to see
You saw something in me, I don't understand
Was it an innocence, in my land?
Locked in my tower with, nothing to be?
You found the door, and set me free
And for a small time, all was bright
I believed in you, shining your light
And together we thought, in our own world
That together we'd be, as love, our wings unfurled
But I had to leave, for a time
Thinking all the while that, it was a crime
I thought of you, everyday
And to see you soon, I prayed
Something happened there, when I was not there
Something changed in you, and I, fell into despair
That I would not find, you ever again
Would not see my rescuer, anymore then
I have been told that, all is well
Just keep holding on, time will tell
And I will have faith, but I'm not the same
Locked in my tower, I've been changed
And it is hard for me, to hold you
To my heart for next time, through and through
I just don't understand, was I not right?
Was I not good enough? did I, lose the fight?
Did you find someone better, than me, so free?
Was I a test to see if you, could unlock me?
Will you ever come back to give, me my key?
To hide me away, for none to see?
Here I am, torn, broken and confused
Feeling emotion, feeling, hurt and used
I don't blame you, who could?
I'm happy for you, as I should
I can't expect you, to change at all
For to do so, is to, lie and fall
Be true to yourself as, you were, when
You first found me and, find me then
I will hide away, in my tower
And lock the door with, all my power
I will lock the door, throw away the key
And wait for you, wait and see
I'll wait for that day, when you come nigh
And call for me, low and high
Day by day I wait, and behold a sight
Of a time before, when I, was your knight
I will fight for you, when you return
If nothing else I have, to learn
You can count on me, to be true
Wait I will until then, to be with you
Day by Day
Cheerio, D-Man
Proverb: "A problem will always be a problem until you can sneak up on it from an unsuspected angle."
Oh and in other news...this blog has been viewed 1000 times! Wow, I feel special...or something...yeah, anyway....
Day by Day
I can remember when, I was safe
In a world of my own, my creation
Locked away in my tower, with no key
Hidden away from love, nothing to see
You saw something in me, I don't understand
Was it an innocence, in my land?
Locked in my tower with, nothing to be?
You found the door, and set me free
And for a small time, all was bright
I believed in you, shining your light
And together we thought, in our own world
That together we'd be, as love, our wings unfurled
But I had to leave, for a time
Thinking all the while that, it was a crime
I thought of you, everyday
And to see you soon, I prayed
Something happened there, when I was not there
Something changed in you, and I, fell into despair
That I would not find, you ever again
Would not see my rescuer, anymore then
I have been told that, all is well
Just keep holding on, time will tell
And I will have faith, but I'm not the same
Locked in my tower, I've been changed
And it is hard for me, to hold you
To my heart for next time, through and through
I just don't understand, was I not right?
Was I not good enough? did I, lose the fight?
Did you find someone better, than me, so free?
Was I a test to see if you, could unlock me?
Will you ever come back to give, me my key?
To hide me away, for none to see?
Here I am, torn, broken and confused
Feeling emotion, feeling, hurt and used
I don't blame you, who could?
I'm happy for you, as I should
I can't expect you, to change at all
For to do so, is to, lie and fall
Be true to yourself as, you were, when
You first found me and, find me then
I will hide away, in my tower
And lock the door with, all my power
I will lock the door, throw away the key
And wait for you, wait and see
I'll wait for that day, when you come nigh
And call for me, low and high
Day by day I wait, and behold a sight
Of a time before, when I, was your knight
I will fight for you, when you return
If nothing else I have, to learn
You can count on me, to be true
Wait I will until then, to be with you
Day by Day
Cheerio, D-Man
Proverb: "A problem will always be a problem until you can sneak up on it from an unsuspected angle."
Wednesday, 18 January 2006
Depression, moving, and Uni
With a lot of thought....I STILL don't know what to write about! I've had a really tough week this week because of various things and I've been down a LOT! But I'm sick of being sick of it and I can't be stuffed writing about it...really! Let's just say I've been feeling not good enough for anything at all..ever...So, instead I'm going to take a step forward and focus on the positive of the week and see where I go from there.
Phil and LeeAnne moved into their new house on Monday. It is a totally AWESOME house!! So big and...big. Yep. I'm happy for them, they deserve it. I wen't over there at about 5:30PM to help with the moving and stuff...didn't stop really until about 11:00PM although a couple of mates didn't stop until around 3:30AM!! It was a huge job.
I have gotten my results back, and applied for a graduation in May. I'm finished Uni, it's official. So now I guess I'm a 'working class man' whatever that means...although I still don't have my degree yet..officially..
Faith in God is a very good thing. I've lost focus over this week, and that is a very BAD thing. The worst is though that even though I'm not depressed about what happened anymore, I'm depressed about being depressed. How silly can you get? I mean really? It's like a never ending cycle of depression. So I'm stopping it in it's tracks and going back to what I should be focusing on anyway. God. Awwwww yeah.
Cheerio, D-Man
Proverb: "Love is its own reward."
Phil and LeeAnne moved into their new house on Monday. It is a totally AWESOME house!! So big and...big. Yep. I'm happy for them, they deserve it. I wen't over there at about 5:30PM to help with the moving and stuff...didn't stop really until about 11:00PM although a couple of mates didn't stop until around 3:30AM!! It was a huge job.
I have gotten my results back, and applied for a graduation in May. I'm finished Uni, it's official. So now I guess I'm a 'working class man' whatever that means...although I still don't have my degree yet..officially..
Faith in God is a very good thing. I've lost focus over this week, and that is a very BAD thing. The worst is though that even though I'm not depressed about what happened anymore, I'm depressed about being depressed. How silly can you get? I mean really? It's like a never ending cycle of depression. So I'm stopping it in it's tracks and going back to what I should be focusing on anyway. God. Awwwww yeah.
Cheerio, D-Man
Proverb: "Love is its own reward."
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