There are times in a man's life when he is brought to the lowest of lows. Theses times are really shaping of a mans character and strength. They can either bring out the best features of a man or make him collapse. In either case, the man will grow. I have been reading Problems of Pain by C.S. Lewis and although I have known a fair portion of it already, a lot of revelation has come from it. Sometimes his style of writing can be incredibly hard to understand, especially in bed waiting for sleep to come, but it is very enjoyable for the most part.
The problem with pain is this. If God loves us, then why is there so much pain and suffering. This is a complex question and one that many people ask in their lifetime. The answer lies in free will. It seems so simple but this is barely the cap of the iceberg. I really don't have time to get into it here, but I recommend that you read the book sometime. One part that stuck out to me in particular is the fact that if God is good, and fallen man is in such a state that we love things that are not necessarily from God, then our way of thinking isn't right. At this point you are probably thinking...duh...but...this raises that all important question of what God really wants. If we desire things that will us happy, then what's wrong with that? If God loves us then doesn't he want us to be happy? If God is all knowing then He must know what will truly make us happy and therefore what we want isn't necessarily going to make us happy. Haha, I'm not really bringing much clarity to this subject at the moment so I'm just drop it, but yeah, excellent book.
If I've been going through a lot over the last couple of months, I think the game just got stepped up in the last week. My heart has almost continuously ached from the pressure of life over the last couple of weeks. It pains me to say, that I'm nowhere near where I want to be. In fact, if I didn't have any responsibilities, if nothing at all was holding me here, I would probably do something drastic. Not suicide, I've already been there, it's not pretty, but yeah, I wouldn't be hanging around. Through it all, I have grown. Through the pain, the stress, the longing, I have grown. I still have difficulty letting go. I still struggle with my desires and my habits. A part of me is saying is it really so bad? Another part that is getting stronger daily is saying. Yes. You will never learn if you give even an inch to that voice. Abraham's frame of mind over Isaac wasn't aww crap, God's gonna turn this situation around... it was, God I don't like this one bit, but I will obey You. He was fully ready to kill his only son even if God hadn't come through for him. And so, I cannot afford to hold onto my dreams even the slightest bit. Because obeying God is much more important than God coming through for me. My focus needs to be on Him, on drawing close to Him, not on what He can do for me. And so, my dreams aren't pushed aside for later. My dreams are dead. It hurts. I broke down on the way to my room tonight just coming face to face with the fact. The realization that I must let go with EVERYTHING I have and hold NOTHING back.
There is a vulnerability in letting everything go. Something deeper than anything else. It is completely trusting God. Putting yourself on the line. It is setting yourself up for a broken heart. Opening yourself up for all or nothing. The risk of failure is greater than I can possible imagine...the consequences fatal. Why would I do this? I can never fully understand the heart of God. I am to caught up in my own world. The pain that I suffer throughout my lifetime have set up walls against the world, but in doing so have shut out the voice of God in my life. And so, we must come to an all or nothing point. Even if we choose nothing, God is faithful until the end. Eventually we must come to the point of surrender. The point of trust.
It's only in these moments of clarity, when I can say for certain that God is doing a great and wonderful work in my life. I can see it clearly, even though it hurts, God brings beauty from pain. Diamonds from ashes. A beating heart from stone. In the end this means more to me than anything I could do for myself. Your will be done, Lord
And as is my habit for the last however many blogs that I have written...I will post the lyrics of a song that speaks to me at this time.
Superchick - Beauty From Pain
The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel I like I died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the face that I made
I try to keep on but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away
After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And I'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames
Here I am at the end of me
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to your promise there will be a dawn
Cheerio, D-Man
Monday 31 July 2006
Sunday 30 July 2006
Dreams and Desires
Well, here I am. I've come to a place of realization. Isn't it funny how some dreams and desires seem to come naturally, while others as much as you work towards them, seem like they'll never come to pass? For instance, my dream of teaching worship seems to simply have been there my entire life, I never did anything it just happened and it's really awesome, but other dreams in my life, that I've longed for so much, seem as if they will never ever come to fruition. Abraham had to be completely willing to kill his dream, his one desire in life was to have a son, and God told him to sacrifice his son and give him back to the Lord. I can understand the absolute anguish the Abraham must have felt when God told him this, not only was his dream being torn at the seams but God seemed to be holding back on his promises. What an amazing amount of faith that Abraham obeyed God and just before he plunged the knife into his son's heart, God came through and held him back. I know now that letting go of my dreams are the best thing I could possibly do. I need to sacrifice them to God so that He can work through them, but oh the pain it brings, the anguish, the loneliness. My heart cries out in terror that God will not come through for me, that if my dream dies, I will have nothing left. I feel so empty at the moment, so lost, and I don't know what to do, except focus on God.
All my life I've been tought to hold on to my dreams, to have faith and hold on to the promises of God (for that is what dreams are, are they not?). I been given many different reasons to hold on to my dreams, many, many reasons, but recently more and more I've been seeing the need to let them go. Submission to God MUST be paramount in my life, over even my dreams. I don't know what the future holds anymore, I once thought I did, I once was almost absolutely sure in fact, but now I know nothing and God is telling me to trust in Him. It is a hard lesson to take, and I cannot make it on my own. Everything in me wants to take my dreams back, to force them to be a reality, but I know that even if I was able to make my dreams a reality, they wouldn't bring me joy or peace or happiness. Over the last month or so, it has been a really strong pull to simply focus on God, whenever I get down or start focusing on circumstances, something always reminds me to focus on God, always, always, doesn't matter how tired I am, doesn't matter how much I slipped away, I must always come back to that point of focusing on Him.
Sometimes we can get so caught up in life that we forget about God. The meaning behind the phrase God is awesome (and similar) can become so lost. It becomes a catch 22, a phrase that you simply say when things get rough, as if it's a good luck charm, to make things get better without really meaning in it. Damn it, God IS awesome, and if I could truly see that, I would have no problems. Like Elisha on the walls, with all the fiery chariots around. The army of the Lord was surrounding the city, and just as the generals where about to lose hope, their eye's were opened to the glory of God and a paradigm shift took place. Their perspective was totally changed. God came through for them.
Haha, I love writing blogs. Your perspective changes as you write them. Like in the Psalms where David starts out by writing 'I feel alone like You have forsaken me'...etc., etc., and by the end of the Psalm he was like 'Your awesome God, there is none like You' .I started out all depressed (yes I know, I hate me being depressed too... don't you worry about that) but writing this has lifted my spirits somewhat. Guess I wasn't focusing on God, hey. God DOES come through, and I'm not holding on anymore, so I guess the only thing left for me to do is trust in God for my future. He's got it all worked out so I don't need to worry. Anyway, something to reflect on, God's taking me through the storms of life, but you know, that if you put gold over a fire for long enough, it melts. Yep. It melts and all the impurities come to the top where they can be scooped out. The gold becomes refined and pure. A lady at my church had a similar word on Monday where we are like clay but God kneads us until all the stones and non-clay substances are gone, then we become malleable and usable by God to make pottery.
Well, anyway, I better go, my blogs seem to be getting longer and longer and I have things to do. I will leave you with the lyrics of a song that sums up this blog rather nicely. It's by Barlow Girl from their debut album.
Surrender
My hands hold safely to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen
So many years I've shaped each one
Reflecting my heart showing who I am
Now you're asking me to show
What I'm holding oh so tightly
Can't open my hands can't let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can't you let me go?
Surrender, surrender you whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me
My dreams are me
You say you have a plan for me
And that you want the best for my life
Told me the world had yet to see
What you can do with one
That's committed to Your calling
I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?
Cheerio, D-Man
All my life I've been tought to hold on to my dreams, to have faith and hold on to the promises of God (for that is what dreams are, are they not?). I been given many different reasons to hold on to my dreams, many, many reasons, but recently more and more I've been seeing the need to let them go. Submission to God MUST be paramount in my life, over even my dreams. I don't know what the future holds anymore, I once thought I did, I once was almost absolutely sure in fact, but now I know nothing and God is telling me to trust in Him. It is a hard lesson to take, and I cannot make it on my own. Everything in me wants to take my dreams back, to force them to be a reality, but I know that even if I was able to make my dreams a reality, they wouldn't bring me joy or peace or happiness. Over the last month or so, it has been a really strong pull to simply focus on God, whenever I get down or start focusing on circumstances, something always reminds me to focus on God, always, always, doesn't matter how tired I am, doesn't matter how much I slipped away, I must always come back to that point of focusing on Him.
Sometimes we can get so caught up in life that we forget about God. The meaning behind the phrase God is awesome (and similar) can become so lost. It becomes a catch 22, a phrase that you simply say when things get rough, as if it's a good luck charm, to make things get better without really meaning in it. Damn it, God IS awesome, and if I could truly see that, I would have no problems. Like Elisha on the walls, with all the fiery chariots around. The army of the Lord was surrounding the city, and just as the generals where about to lose hope, their eye's were opened to the glory of God and a paradigm shift took place. Their perspective was totally changed. God came through for them.
Haha, I love writing blogs. Your perspective changes as you write them. Like in the Psalms where David starts out by writing 'I feel alone like You have forsaken me'...etc., etc., and by the end of the Psalm he was like 'Your awesome God, there is none like You' .I started out all depressed (yes I know, I hate me being depressed too... don't you worry about that) but writing this has lifted my spirits somewhat. Guess I wasn't focusing on God, hey. God DOES come through, and I'm not holding on anymore, so I guess the only thing left for me to do is trust in God for my future. He's got it all worked out so I don't need to worry. Anyway, something to reflect on, God's taking me through the storms of life, but you know, that if you put gold over a fire for long enough, it melts. Yep. It melts and all the impurities come to the top where they can be scooped out. The gold becomes refined and pure. A lady at my church had a similar word on Monday where we are like clay but God kneads us until all the stones and non-clay substances are gone, then we become malleable and usable by God to make pottery.
Well, anyway, I better go, my blogs seem to be getting longer and longer and I have things to do. I will leave you with the lyrics of a song that sums up this blog rather nicely. It's by Barlow Girl from their debut album.
Surrender
My hands hold safely to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen
So many years I've shaped each one
Reflecting my heart showing who I am
Now you're asking me to show
What I'm holding oh so tightly
Can't open my hands can't let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can't you let me go?
Surrender, surrender you whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me
My dreams are me
You say you have a plan for me
And that you want the best for my life
Told me the world had yet to see
What you can do with one
That's committed to Your calling
I know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?
Cheerio, D-Man
Monday 17 July 2006
God's Grace and Love
God's grace is totally awesome. I am truly amazed that He would love me. Truly amazed that, time after time, screw up after screw up, He would patiently pursue me. Even when I am against God, He still wants me, He still loves me. It brings tears to my eyes, when I truly let myself feel the absolute immensity of it, and I can't even imagine how much more it goes beyond my imagination. Words cannot even catch a glimpse of God, in fact as Steven Curtis Chapman puts it... words just get in the way of what I really want to say...
Isn't it funny that it's during the good times where we can get to the point where we feel like we don't need God. He is still there and He is closer than ever. We acknowledge Him with thanks that life is good, and together we share joy in the circumstances, but God kind of takes a side line and watches for a while. And then in the troughs of the waves of life, it is there, when everything is drained from our spirit, God feels so distant to us. Why is it so, that when I look back on the footprints in the sand, I see only one set? God is obviously there...He never leaves or forsakes us, but every little prayer every little intersession feels like it hits the wall and falls to the floor. It is here, in the depths of God's distance that we truly find that we are hungry for God...just as Jesus was in the wilderness for 40 days and nights, he was hungry, so we in our barrenness find a hunger for God that may not necessarily have been apparent in the good times.
I've been going through...a mess...simply put, for about a year now. Oh, it's had its highlights, but the lows have been much more in number as to make the highlights seem patchy at best. I've been learning, but I still have a long, long road ahead. A road of unlearning, of grieving over mistakes made, of digging up the past and dealing with it. My journey hasn't just barely begun, this time is a preparation... my journey comes later... How religious I can be! How legalistic! How absolutely full of myself can I get! I see someone going through a rough time and I automatically try to apply formula to fix the problem rather than simply grieving with them. I am no better than Job's friends, who brought death into the situation. How many wounds have I given in this way? How many hearts have I broken? I rage against myself every day as I see all the trash that has built up in my soul over the years. It is here, in this place, where everyone I love seem far away in spirit though near in body, it is here where nothing seems to be going right, it is here, in the loneliness and despair, where I have nothing, that God truly finds me, or rather I truly find God. God, I truly am nothing, change my heart and draw me to You...
Youth band is still awesome..it will always be awesome, as long as the focus continues to stay on God. I am increasingly aware of my faults, but this doesn't stop me from seeing particularly dangerous situations arising, which, if left unchecked, will be, I fear, fatal to those involved...not physically, but, yeah, not good. I have no idea what to do anymore. I can pray, and that's all I know. Hopefully it will be enough. I have begun to see that in reality, I am no better than anyone... it may come as a shock to everyone that I would actually think of myself as higher than some people...me being the guy spouting humble, humble, humble... but I did, and to some extent I still do...God is working on me. We all do it to some extent... ie. I'm not perfect, but I'm better than that guy who is definitely not doing the right thing, I mean look at my fruits! I'm worshiping God for God's sake, while he is only doing it to look good in front of everyone, oh and look, he is bringing division into my little coterie, how dare he! etc. etc., I want to say, what a absolute bunch of CRAP! I with my self-righteous attitudes are just as bad as they. What a Pharisee! Who am I to judge them? What gives me the right? Everyone is broken, everyone is hurting and God is working on us all where we are at.
Wowee this is a long blog...you could almost call it a blogathon...or a blogalong or something. Ok...I'll shut up now and leave you with two songs by Steven Curtis Chapman that really...are really awesome :)
When Love Takes You In
I know you've heard the stories
But they all sound too good to be true
You've heard about a place called home
But there doesn't seem to be one for you
So one more night you cry yourself to sleep
And drift off to a distant dream
When love takes you in and everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in
And somewhere while you're sleeping
Someone else is dreaming too
Counting down the days until
They hold you close and say I love you
And like the rain that falls into the sea
In a moment what has been is lost in what will be
When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
And this love will never let you go
There is nothing that could ever
cause this love to lose its hold
When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good
When love takes you in
What I Really Want to Say
I say I love you, I say I need you
I try so many ways to say how my heart beats for you
I say I'm always thinking about you
There's no way I'd want to face this life without you
And even though these words comes from deep inside me
There's so much more I don't have the words to say
'Coz what I really want to say
Is what the sun would say to the sky
For giving it a place to come alive
But my words get in the way
Of what I really want to say
Oh, what I really want to say
I know that sometimes my words can be as hard as stone
And sometimes my words have left you feeling so alone
So please forgive me and hear the words I'm saying now
I spend my whole life looking for a way somehow
To let you know just how precious you are to me
I'll use the best words I know but I still won't say it all
It's like a tale too great to be told
It's something that my heart can only show
I'm gonna take my whole life
Just to let you know
What I really want to say
Oh, what I really want to say
What I really want to say
Oh, what I really want to say
Cheerio, D-Man
Isn't it funny that it's during the good times where we can get to the point where we feel like we don't need God. He is still there and He is closer than ever. We acknowledge Him with thanks that life is good, and together we share joy in the circumstances, but God kind of takes a side line and watches for a while. And then in the troughs of the waves of life, it is there, when everything is drained from our spirit, God feels so distant to us. Why is it so, that when I look back on the footprints in the sand, I see only one set? God is obviously there...He never leaves or forsakes us, but every little prayer every little intersession feels like it hits the wall and falls to the floor. It is here, in the depths of God's distance that we truly find that we are hungry for God...just as Jesus was in the wilderness for 40 days and nights, he was hungry, so we in our barrenness find a hunger for God that may not necessarily have been apparent in the good times.
I've been going through...a mess...simply put, for about a year now. Oh, it's had its highlights, but the lows have been much more in number as to make the highlights seem patchy at best. I've been learning, but I still have a long, long road ahead. A road of unlearning, of grieving over mistakes made, of digging up the past and dealing with it. My journey hasn't just barely begun, this time is a preparation... my journey comes later... How religious I can be! How legalistic! How absolutely full of myself can I get! I see someone going through a rough time and I automatically try to apply formula to fix the problem rather than simply grieving with them. I am no better than Job's friends, who brought death into the situation. How many wounds have I given in this way? How many hearts have I broken? I rage against myself every day as I see all the trash that has built up in my soul over the years. It is here, in this place, where everyone I love seem far away in spirit though near in body, it is here where nothing seems to be going right, it is here, in the loneliness and despair, where I have nothing, that God truly finds me, or rather I truly find God. God, I truly am nothing, change my heart and draw me to You...
Youth band is still awesome..it will always be awesome, as long as the focus continues to stay on God. I am increasingly aware of my faults, but this doesn't stop me from seeing particularly dangerous situations arising, which, if left unchecked, will be, I fear, fatal to those involved...not physically, but, yeah, not good. I have no idea what to do anymore. I can pray, and that's all I know. Hopefully it will be enough. I have begun to see that in reality, I am no better than anyone... it may come as a shock to everyone that I would actually think of myself as higher than some people...me being the guy spouting humble, humble, humble... but I did, and to some extent I still do...God is working on me. We all do it to some extent... ie. I'm not perfect, but I'm better than that guy who is definitely not doing the right thing, I mean look at my fruits! I'm worshiping God for God's sake, while he is only doing it to look good in front of everyone, oh and look, he is bringing division into my little coterie, how dare he! etc. etc., I want to say, what a absolute bunch of CRAP! I with my self-righteous attitudes are just as bad as they. What a Pharisee! Who am I to judge them? What gives me the right? Everyone is broken, everyone is hurting and God is working on us all where we are at.
Wowee this is a long blog...you could almost call it a blogathon...or a blogalong or something. Ok...I'll shut up now and leave you with two songs by Steven Curtis Chapman that really...are really awesome :)
When Love Takes You In
I know you've heard the stories
But they all sound too good to be true
You've heard about a place called home
But there doesn't seem to be one for you
So one more night you cry yourself to sleep
And drift off to a distant dream
When love takes you in and everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in
And somewhere while you're sleeping
Someone else is dreaming too
Counting down the days until
They hold you close and say I love you
And like the rain that falls into the sea
In a moment what has been is lost in what will be
When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
And this love will never let you go
There is nothing that could ever
cause this love to lose its hold
When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good
When love takes you in
What I Really Want to Say
I say I love you, I say I need you
I try so many ways to say how my heart beats for you
I say I'm always thinking about you
There's no way I'd want to face this life without you
And even though these words comes from deep inside me
There's so much more I don't have the words to say
'Coz what I really want to say
Is what the sun would say to the sky
For giving it a place to come alive
But my words get in the way
Of what I really want to say
Oh, what I really want to say
I know that sometimes my words can be as hard as stone
And sometimes my words have left you feeling so alone
So please forgive me and hear the words I'm saying now
I spend my whole life looking for a way somehow
To let you know just how precious you are to me
I'll use the best words I know but I still won't say it all
It's like a tale too great to be told
It's something that my heart can only show
I'm gonna take my whole life
Just to let you know
What I really want to say
Oh, what I really want to say
What I really want to say
Oh, what I really want to say
Cheerio, D-Man
Friday 14 July 2006
Confusion
Hmm... well here I am again, another day another blog. This week has been rather long. I've been rather tired and stupid with my time management this week, so I haven't been getting a lot done. Feels like I've had a very surface week. No really deep and meaningful convos with anyone, which is ok, cos they usually end up being deep and not meaningful...which is crap anyway...I haven't really been spending much time with God lately either which really sucks.
In fact I'm really confused about my life at this point. About what I should and shouldn't be holding onto...on the one hand I believe I should but on the other there's a voice saying but to really hold on you should just let it go, and I've been trying to let go, but it doesn't seem to be working, in fact it just feels like there will never be any sort of resolution if I do. To let go would be to lose hope, and if I do, I'm afraid I'll flip or something, so yeah...really don't know what to do there...
Youth band is going ok...I'm coming to the point of realization that there are greater things ahead, but we are definitely not there yet...when I think of the band, I see great potential, but there are certain attitudes pervading the atmosphere that are not good at all. As a worshiper, we must be so humble in EVERYTHING we do, and at the moment I'm just not getting that. I mean where IS the servant heart in all of this? What am I doing for others?
I can't help thinking back to a couple of years ago. I know I shouldn't dwell on the past, but life seemed so much easier back then. I can remember talking with Nathan, my brother, a couple of weeks before he went up to Canberra about how much I was enjoying serving people, and it just feels like I've lost something precious from that time. I dunno, maybe it's just me, maybe not.
Things are a real drag at the moment..probably because I'm not seeing any results anywhere, and thoughts come at me like 'ha, since you're not getting any results you must be doing something wrong...' I dunno, it's just frustrating.
On a lighter note...I brought Walk The Line the other day..haven't seen it yet because I let it to LeeAnne, but I've been hanging out for it all week. It came with a sound track which was pretty good actually. I didn't think I'd like it at all, because I've heard Johnny Cash before and it bored me to tears, but I didn't actually mind it..was heaps different to what I usually listen to, but it wasn't half bad. I also saw the new version of Pride and Prejudice last night, which is REALLY good! I'd recommend it much!
Haha, this is a really long blog entry, so I guess I shall leave you with my favorite verse...
'Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.' - Hebrews 11:1
Cheerio, D-Man
In fact I'm really confused about my life at this point. About what I should and shouldn't be holding onto...on the one hand I believe I should but on the other there's a voice saying but to really hold on you should just let it go, and I've been trying to let go, but it doesn't seem to be working, in fact it just feels like there will never be any sort of resolution if I do. To let go would be to lose hope, and if I do, I'm afraid I'll flip or something, so yeah...really don't know what to do there...
Youth band is going ok...I'm coming to the point of realization that there are greater things ahead, but we are definitely not there yet...when I think of the band, I see great potential, but there are certain attitudes pervading the atmosphere that are not good at all. As a worshiper, we must be so humble in EVERYTHING we do, and at the moment I'm just not getting that. I mean where IS the servant heart in all of this? What am I doing for others?
I can't help thinking back to a couple of years ago. I know I shouldn't dwell on the past, but life seemed so much easier back then. I can remember talking with Nathan, my brother, a couple of weeks before he went up to Canberra about how much I was enjoying serving people, and it just feels like I've lost something precious from that time. I dunno, maybe it's just me, maybe not.
Things are a real drag at the moment..probably because I'm not seeing any results anywhere, and thoughts come at me like 'ha, since you're not getting any results you must be doing something wrong...' I dunno, it's just frustrating.
On a lighter note...I brought Walk The Line the other day..haven't seen it yet because I let it to LeeAnne, but I've been hanging out for it all week. It came with a sound track which was pretty good actually. I didn't think I'd like it at all, because I've heard Johnny Cash before and it bored me to tears, but I didn't actually mind it..was heaps different to what I usually listen to, but it wasn't half bad. I also saw the new version of Pride and Prejudice last night, which is REALLY good! I'd recommend it much!
Haha, this is a really long blog entry, so I guess I shall leave you with my favorite verse...
'Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.' - Hebrews 11:1
Cheerio, D-Man
Sunday 9 July 2006
Life and winter
Well, considering I haven't written a blog entry since last week and I've been going a bit blog crazy lately, that's a bit gap! So here we go...
It came to me the other day that since I have started writing blogs, they've slowly progressed into less about what is going on and my into my emotional side and how I feel and stuff like that. I probably would give up reading a blog like that so I've decided to put a bit more external awareness into them... so, let's see what's going on in my life?
I've been pretty busy lately, although I couldn't really tell you a lot about it, because I really don't know where the time has gone...just there isn't enough of it! Mel and Brendan's wedding was about a week and a half ago (I think)...that was pretty good. The reception was absolutely fabulous! We went to the racecourse for a 2 course dinner and dancing. I absolutely love to see newly weds on their first dance...truly magnificent I say! Although bittersweet :) but hey, the sweetness worth the bitterness. Somehow Widget coaxed (how do you spell that??) me onto the dance floor, where I made an absolute fool of myself, lol... that's the thing with me, if I'm gonna dance, (unless it is with my wife) I need to get to a place where I really don't care... unfortunately for everyone else, that place also involves me going a little bit crazy, 'coz I REALLY don't care, lol.
Um. Youth band has started up again and I'm pretty excited about it... lol, what can I say, I'm always excited about it... I LOVE IT!! I really believe that God is moving in the youth band, He's already done so much, but I believe that this is a time of preparation... we ain't seen nothing yet. God is going to outpour His Spirit like nothing you've ever seen and it will be awesome to be a part of that.
I'm getting to the point of realization that worry really is bad. Lol, I've always known it, but I've never really 'known' it if you know what I mean... It brings up issues that really, God is in control of anyway, and worrying about them is trying to take control from Him. I've never really seen it like that, but it's the truth. This winter has been a really heavy drain on everyone and it's starting to affect everything or so it seems. Everyone seems stressed out of their brains and worried about everything. People are either snappy or depressed and nothing flows naturally, but God is still sovereign. God is still the Master of the house, and He ALWAYS pulls through. I don't have to worry, and I've decided not to worry anymore. So if you catch me... give me a slap! lol, nah, but yeah.
So, that's my news for the week. Until next time, cheerio and GB!
D-Man
It came to me the other day that since I have started writing blogs, they've slowly progressed into less about what is going on and my into my emotional side and how I feel and stuff like that. I probably would give up reading a blog like that so I've decided to put a bit more external awareness into them... so, let's see what's going on in my life?
I've been pretty busy lately, although I couldn't really tell you a lot about it, because I really don't know where the time has gone...just there isn't enough of it! Mel and Brendan's wedding was about a week and a half ago (I think)...that was pretty good. The reception was absolutely fabulous! We went to the racecourse for a 2 course dinner and dancing. I absolutely love to see newly weds on their first dance...truly magnificent I say! Although bittersweet :) but hey, the sweetness worth the bitterness. Somehow Widget coaxed (how do you spell that??) me onto the dance floor, where I made an absolute fool of myself, lol... that's the thing with me, if I'm gonna dance, (unless it is with my wife) I need to get to a place where I really don't care... unfortunately for everyone else, that place also involves me going a little bit crazy, 'coz I REALLY don't care, lol.
Um. Youth band has started up again and I'm pretty excited about it... lol, what can I say, I'm always excited about it... I LOVE IT!! I really believe that God is moving in the youth band, He's already done so much, but I believe that this is a time of preparation... we ain't seen nothing yet. God is going to outpour His Spirit like nothing you've ever seen and it will be awesome to be a part of that.
I'm getting to the point of realization that worry really is bad. Lol, I've always known it, but I've never really 'known' it if you know what I mean... It brings up issues that really, God is in control of anyway, and worrying about them is trying to take control from Him. I've never really seen it like that, but it's the truth. This winter has been a really heavy drain on everyone and it's starting to affect everything or so it seems. Everyone seems stressed out of their brains and worried about everything. People are either snappy or depressed and nothing flows naturally, but God is still sovereign. God is still the Master of the house, and He ALWAYS pulls through. I don't have to worry, and I've decided not to worry anymore. So if you catch me... give me a slap! lol, nah, but yeah.
So, that's my news for the week. Until next time, cheerio and GB!
D-Man
Thursday 6 July 2006
God is just so damn awesome!
God truly is awesome, hey... even with all this crap in my life at the moment... internal as well as external, God is always with me. At this moment, when everything has gone from bad to worse, I am at complete peace...not even just peace, but contentment... as weird as that is. I've been praying pretty hardcore, and I will continue to do so... hopefully it'll become a habit for not just the bad times. I am completely trusting in God as far as my future goes, and hey, if it doesn't pan out, I know that He's got better in store for me anyway. I still believe in what I believe, but if it doesn't come to pass then so be it.
Hebrews 11:1 'Now faith is the reality of things being hoped for, the proof of things not being seen...' A really good definition of faith... one of my favorite verses in fact. I have things to hold onto, even though at the moment they are definitely unseen.
Hebrews 11:33 'Who through faith subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions...' so God rewards faith. I believe that even if we are mistaken, God still rewards our faithfulness by taking us out of the situation gracefully. In fact in faith, it's all good, so really I should have no worries at all. And at the moment I don't, so 'tis good..ness?
About my moodiness, well, the last big bout I had with it was on Sunday, over Amelia leaving youth band. It kinda caught me by surprise, but I was prepared for it, coz I figured it was going to happen sooner or later. I was on a pretty big downer all night because of it, even though looking back on it now it seems pretty dumb. I remember thinking about halfway through, 'well, why am I depressed?, it's not like I didn't know this was going to happen...' I couldn't come up with any answers really, so I thought for a bit and the only thing that stuck was that it felt good to be depressed. As weird as that is, I was using the depression to feel good, instead of focusing on and trusting in God. If I look at any time I've gotten depressed now, I can say yeah, those reasons are more like selfish excuses, now. It's really selfish when I look back now. Thankfully God has changed my mindset, although I pray that He will help me to continue to change, because I don't think I'm there yet...
So yeah, how good is The Man anyway? ... I did have something to write right about now, but I've totally forgotten what it is... so yeah... I'll leave you all now and go watch Kingdom of Heaven..which I've been meaning to watch since about 2 hours ago!!
Cheerio, D-Man
Hebrews 11:1 'Now faith is the reality of things being hoped for, the proof of things not being seen...' A really good definition of faith... one of my favorite verses in fact. I have things to hold onto, even though at the moment they are definitely unseen.
Hebrews 11:33 'Who through faith subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions...' so God rewards faith. I believe that even if we are mistaken, God still rewards our faithfulness by taking us out of the situation gracefully. In fact in faith, it's all good, so really I should have no worries at all. And at the moment I don't, so 'tis good..ness?
About my moodiness, well, the last big bout I had with it was on Sunday, over Amelia leaving youth band. It kinda caught me by surprise, but I was prepared for it, coz I figured it was going to happen sooner or later. I was on a pretty big downer all night because of it, even though looking back on it now it seems pretty dumb. I remember thinking about halfway through, 'well, why am I depressed?, it's not like I didn't know this was going to happen...' I couldn't come up with any answers really, so I thought for a bit and the only thing that stuck was that it felt good to be depressed. As weird as that is, I was using the depression to feel good, instead of focusing on and trusting in God. If I look at any time I've gotten depressed now, I can say yeah, those reasons are more like selfish excuses, now. It's really selfish when I look back now. Thankfully God has changed my mindset, although I pray that He will help me to continue to change, because I don't think I'm there yet...
So yeah, how good is The Man anyway? ... I did have something to write right about now, but I've totally forgotten what it is... so yeah... I'll leave you all now and go watch Kingdom of Heaven..which I've been meaning to watch since about 2 hours ago!!
Cheerio, D-Man
Sunday 2 July 2006
The Times
Well, here I am again. I really don't know how it works, and I'm just...sad. I can't change my current situation, but I can sure pray about it, and have been doing so. I don't know whether it was me or not, but it's not the first time...not even the second, and it damn well hurts for your information. I'm still holding on, maybe nothing will ever change, but hey, hope for the hopeless is better than despair. I won't let go, except for the situational crap, (coz really...I don't have to deal with it..it's not my problem anymore), because I believe in something higher than situation...still friggin' sucks though..
I would say more, because I really want to get it out of my system, but yeah, I don't think It'd be wise on a public blog and somehow I think that going into detail would just make things worse. I can remember around Christmas time this year going through exactly the same crap and it got really...bad. As the blog entries from around that time will probably tell you, lol. I'm not expecting much different this time around, but hey, as I said. I'm not going to focus on it anymore.
In other news, I've been way to moody of late...I've been trying to break free of it, with limited success, so I'll continue trying. It's been a habit in my life for a long long time now, and I guess it goes under the selfishness category when it comes down to it, so yeah. I've been way to short and snappy lately for my own good..or anyone else for that matter, and it's time to take a stand. God is awesome, I will always have much more grace than I deserve, but I at this very moment, I REALLY know that I have more than I deserve.
You know who else are awesome? Phil and LeeAnne...tell you what, without these guys I don't know what I would do. They have supported me through everything since my family went up to QLD. Much grace is required for me and they have stepped up to the plate in that department. Thank you guys heaps for your love and support, you're awesome to the max!
Cheerio, D-Man
I would say more, because I really want to get it out of my system, but yeah, I don't think It'd be wise on a public blog and somehow I think that going into detail would just make things worse. I can remember around Christmas time this year going through exactly the same crap and it got really...bad. As the blog entries from around that time will probably tell you, lol. I'm not expecting much different this time around, but hey, as I said. I'm not going to focus on it anymore.
In other news, I've been way to moody of late...I've been trying to break free of it, with limited success, so I'll continue trying. It's been a habit in my life for a long long time now, and I guess it goes under the selfishness category when it comes down to it, so yeah. I've been way to short and snappy lately for my own good..or anyone else for that matter, and it's time to take a stand. God is awesome, I will always have much more grace than I deserve, but I at this very moment, I REALLY know that I have more than I deserve.
You know who else are awesome? Phil and LeeAnne...tell you what, without these guys I don't know what I would do. They have supported me through everything since my family went up to QLD. Much grace is required for me and they have stepped up to the plate in that department. Thank you guys heaps for your love and support, you're awesome to the max!
Cheerio, D-Man
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