Mistakes

I make them. Despite popular belief (and I don't even know how it got popular...) I am not a totally awesome guy. I am only human...just you're average Joe... and I MAKE MISTAKES! I could say I can't help it, it's just how I am, but I know better. I have a LOT of issues and a LOT of wounds in my life, and I am far from perfect. I can only say that I try to do the best I can and that God is working on me. But you know, all masterpieces take time. The roof on the Sistine Chapel took 4 years of solid work to complete and how much more complex is the heart of a man than an empty canvas? This is not a cop out. I hate making excuses and every time I catch myself out I wince. It's like not taking responsibility for your own actions...(like, duh)...Even admitting that I was wrong, is not enough. It can never be enough. The trust is broken and there's no going back. The best I can do it focus on God and pray that He will work through the situation. Every time I make a mistake, it's immediate condemnation from myself. I don't know why...I really need to look past it and keep focusing on God, but it doesn't usually happen like that. I can see the hypocrite in me, and I hate it, don't worry about that. I really wish I was that awesome guy that everyone raves about, I really do, but I know the truth. I am not there yet, nowhere near in fact.

On the flip side of this coin is God's grace and mercy. How ...awesome...amazing...beyond words is it that His grace covers all things. That no matter how many mistakes we make, He will always be there for us to run to. It really blows my mind...can you feel it? God didn't just know from the beginning that we would screw up. He has always known...for God there IS no beginning. There has never been a time in the history of God that He didn't know that you and I would screw up. His love has ALWAYS been there for us. He knew that things would turn out this way, just as He knows the bigger picture. We will NOT always be this way. Often time's I've noticed that He will turn a bad situation into a really good one. I'm not quite sure why He would do this, but He knows best. Even so, we still have to deal with our mistakes and the consequences thereof. Usually these come in the form of wounds we receive that cause us to lash out at people or not trust people or make us become incredibly selfish. we build walls around our hearts to protect us from the evil outside, this very act of self-preservation is one that causes us to hide away from the One TRUE Healer. I guess this is why Jesus says that those who would truly live must die to themselves. To give up that part of themselves that always looks to hide from pain.

Well, I'm going to leave that there. I could go on I guess, but I've run out of words at the moment, and yes I know it is very unfinished, but ah well. Until next time, my faithful blog readers.

Cheerio D-Man