I've been feeling a little lost for the last week. Where God's voice was so clear to me the two weeks before this, I feel like I've been moving through a thick dark fog. If anything I have felt like I'm moving further from His will as the days progress. I am a fickle creature. Sometimes it amazes me how sure I am of God and then how unsure I become in the same breath. I have so much that pulls me to God. So many rich experiences, and yet I doubt. How can I doubt? My only comfort is that even the greats of the Bible experienced doubt in their lives.
One thing that I have been noticing lately, is how much clearer God is in my suffering. Its always those times of desperation, of pleading, of darkness and pain. Those times where my heart cries out, when I am alone. Is this the way it is meant to be? Are the trials in life the only times we can be close to our Father? Always during the daylight, my heart drifts. I get distracted far to easily. As if the pain snaps me back to reality. Those times when I'm the most lost. And yet, God is always calling out to me, even when I can barely hear Him.
Even this morning there were a few things that were brought home to my soul. One of them the fact that I have always lived in the idea that I can't. I don't have enough strength on my own. I am afraid to walk my own path. Is He letting me walk on my own two feet without help to teach me? Is God telling me I can? That I have the strength? Is He encouraging me with his absence?
Someone told me, that the Israelites in the time of the great judges went through so much because God was teaching them how to fight. A necessary skill for what was to come. He was honing a resilience in them for the coming days. Teaching them to stand on their own two feet. To fight for their freedom and to fight to hold onto it. Is He doing the same with me? This thought is at once encouraging and scares me to my core.
One thing that I have been noticing lately, is how much clearer God is in my suffering. Its always those times of desperation, of pleading, of darkness and pain. Those times where my heart cries out, when I am alone. Is this the way it is meant to be? Are the trials in life the only times we can be close to our Father? Always during the daylight, my heart drifts. I get distracted far to easily. As if the pain snaps me back to reality. Those times when I'm the most lost. And yet, God is always calling out to me, even when I can barely hear Him.
Even this morning there were a few things that were brought home to my soul. One of them the fact that I have always lived in the idea that I can't. I don't have enough strength on my own. I am afraid to walk my own path. Is He letting me walk on my own two feet without help to teach me? Is God telling me I can? That I have the strength? Is He encouraging me with his absence?
Someone told me, that the Israelites in the time of the great judges went through so much because God was teaching them how to fight. A necessary skill for what was to come. He was honing a resilience in them for the coming days. Teaching them to stand on their own two feet. To fight for their freedom and to fight to hold onto it. Is He doing the same with me? This thought is at once encouraging and scares me to my core.
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