Memories

Lost in my memories, I see nothing else
Stuck in my past, reliving the love that I felt
Those days are gone now, but I cannot see
The days gone by, when I was the most free

As I lay down to sleep, alone and confused
Images flash past, reliving the news
My failures, my blame, the day I ruined it all
A perfect life destroyed, stolen by a fool

Every past mistake, every little wrong
Come back and haunt me, seducing me with song
To end it all, no one would know
To end the torment, and simply go

Rain softly falls, outside on the window
Lightning flashes, thunder roars, wind blows
The storm outside, is mirrored in my heart
As my sanity, starts to crumble apart

Resolve to keep living, has gone away
Taking everything, as I wish it would stay
What am I to do, the question haunts me
Angels and devils ignore my plea

Alone in silence, I try to feel
Only to know the numbness I yield
Anything at all, my mind screams out
In reply, not a whisper, not a shout

I tried so hard, to make things right
Only to be to late, to put up a fight
The weight of my sins, drag me down
To the bottom of the river, where I drown

Wanting to forget, remembering nothing else
Seeking forgiveness, within this hell
A resolution, to move forward
To live again, looking onward

A glimmer of hope begins to shine
Through the darkness, given time
To love again, one day soon
A dream so fragile, it breaks upon the wound

And yet it remains, ever locked away
Waiting for the moment, to see the light of day
In the distant future, a wave upon the shore
A sound is heard, glimmering hope for all

Day Late Friend

Well, these are the lyrics to a song that is kinda deep for me by a band by the name of Anberlin off their Never Take Friendship Personal album:

So let me get this straight
You say now you loved me all along
What made you hesitate
To tell me with words what you really feel
I can see it in your eyes you mean all of what you say
I remember so long ago, see I felt that same way
Now we both have separate lives and lovers (and lovers)
Insignificantly enough we both have significant others

Only time will tell
Time will turn and tell

We are who we were when
Could've been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who
We are who we were when
Who knew what we know now
Could've been more but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who
We are who we were when

But thoughts they change and times they rearrange I don't know who you are anymore
Loves come and go and this I know I'm not who you recall anymore
But I must confess you're so much more then I remember
Can't help but entertain these thoughts
Thoughts of us together

We are who we were when
Could've been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who
We are who we were when
Who knew what we know now
Could've been more but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who
We are who we were when

My day late friend

So let me get this straight
All these years and you were nowhere to be found
And now you want me for your own
But you're a day late and my love, she's still renowned
We are who we were when
Could've been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who
We are who we were when
Who knew what we know now
Could've been more but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who
We are who we were when

This has a lot of meaning for me. When I first heard it I absolutely hated it on account of the lyrics. I had a typical boyish crush that I hoped would go places one day and this song drained the life out of that dream. Whenever I hear it now it takes me back to a time last year in the middle of winter. Me and my best mate had a sort of ritual where we'd just drive and drive and drive for hours on end (pretty expensive) anyway we were out in this typical late autumn, early winter scene, rough dirt road, a few forlorn evergreens interspersed with the standard leafless trees. A chilly wind was blowing a few dead leaves around under a dull grey, cloudy sky. We were simply driving through it all, in the nice toasty car with this album playing in the background. The coversation was about love and life and spirituality. At the time I had been going through a pretty rough time throughout the previous year because I was holding as tightly as I could to that fading dream even as it got further and further away from me. Simply put I was an emotional wreck, very easily up and more so very easily down. We were both going through similar things at the time and our conversation reflected that fairly deeply. Both of us took comfort in the other's company and the feeling that neither of us were alone in it.

Since I've moved I really don't get to see anyone from my old life, except in very brief glimpses. The song now speaks to me of exactly that type of situation. Old friends who are gone now reminiscing over old circumstances and situations in which they find themselves. Much the opposite of what I used to feel about it, it is actually a very comforting song for me to listen now. Of course, if you actually follow the lyrics it's also talking about (well to be fair, it's ACTUALLY talking about) Two old lovers who start to connect again while desperately trying to retain an aquaintance type relationship. Life brnigs them back together after they'd moved on from each other and it comes down to a choice to stay with their respective partners or get back together. But that part doesn't really hold much for me right now, just the base of it.

Well, I don't really remember where I was going with this. Maybe it's just enough that I right out my cluttered thoughts...