For the last few months I've been fairly active on one particular Forum which is something I don't usually do, and I must say that I love it, I love the people that frequent it and the community that has grown up in it, but it struck me this morning as I was reading through a massive fall out between a division over one person's reasons for leaving. People look to forums to provide them with a sense of family that a lot of them don't get in real life a lot of the time. And it IS very easy to view them this way, however, it isn't a very solid foundation. It's like having all the perks but none of the quirks. Every single person who forums is free to leave at any time, and most of them do when things aren't 'going their way'. You just have to look at some of the massive flame wars that have started and ended on various forums around the iNet. Users 'get close' to other users and relate to them and with them just like a real community but unless more substantial actions are taken, this false sense of family stays only in the forums. As soon as something goes wrong, you just move onto the next forum.
As I was thinking this, it hit me out of the blue, that that type of relationship is exactly how I've been treating my life. I've always been extremely friendly with people but I've never reached out and been anyone's friend. I've never burdened my shoulders with that type of responsibility. I never got 'deep' enough with someone to even share my failures and fears as well as my success and strengths. To be open and vulnerable with people. (And blogging doesn't really count...it's like sending D&M off into the ether, you never really expect anything to come of it so it becomes easy) I don't think I have made that connection even once in my life.
At this point, I could say that I'll do better from now on now that I have had these revelations, but the sad truth is, I don't know whether I WILL do better. After 21 years of living I still haven't got it yet. I most I can do I try, yet this grates with everything in me. Stuff that I should have gotten right by now, I fail at, and all my skill and strength have not saved me.
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Anime of the day: Air. This is a story about a guy who is basically a drifter. He travels around in search of the 'girl in the sky', a story that his mother told him when he was young and she was searching too. He has the ability to manipulate a doll puppet with his mind, which he used to get money for living and travelling. He soon comes to a town and the end of his money where he meets three young teenage girls. Each of these three come from very different backgrounds, but each has something in common. They come from a broken, disfunctional home, and they have a very fresh, mature outset of the world.
One by one our hero gets to the heart of each problem and manages to resolve the issues surrounding them until finally he comes to the last girl. This one is different. There seems to be a link between him and her and his search for the mysterious flying girl.
To make a long story short, it turns out that those born with the gift of flight were also cursed in ancient times to die an early death and take anyone that gets to close to them with them. In the end both the hero and heroine die, but they bring the miracle of love back into the girl's mother's heart.
I actually found the end to be a bit of an anticlimax after the series was building for so long, but like with most anime I've come to realize. The journey is more important than the destination. i also seem to be enjoying stories with sad endings a lot more than happy ones nowadays too. ^^
But meh, if you got through that blog without getting all depressed, then you're doing well. Writing about this sort of stuff gets it out of my system
