Hope

I've been living in a fog of depression ever since I've moved. It's been diferent from normal in that it hasn't been at the forefront of my mind as is usually the case with depression. It has simply been in the background, subtly stealing my hope and joy, and draining the life from me. It has gotten a fair bit worse, mixing with the 'standard' depression because of various things going on in my life right now, mainly family issues, to the point where I would simply be sitting in front of my PC staring at the screen for hours not really doing anything.

I heard a song today from a band that I used to love called Pillar. I noticed on MySpace that they are releasing / have released a new album and I checked out the new songs they had posted up, which sound awesome. However it was an older song (which I now have on my blog) and as I listened to it I felt the first glimmer of hope I've felt in ages. It was instantly recognizable. I don't know if it will last, but it was very refreshing to say the least. Maybe it's a sign for the future? I don't know, but I can hope :)

Unfinished

So many words to say and I find all the wrong ones

Slowly Numb

I sit and stare at the roof, thinking of things left unsaid
They say that eyes mirror the soul and truth can be found if one looks
Thoughs swirling around in my mind, killing me slowly and leaving me dead
But my eyes only mirror a hole showing all the mistakes that I mistook

Life seems to be an endless dream, verging on a nightmare's edge
The fog of dreams hides pitfalls and drawing me mistakenly closer
Slipping and sliding towards the end, hit between the eyes with a sledge
Death becomes us all in the end, but what if I was chosen?

I feel and feel and don't feel enough, fear rises in its place, stealing joy
Will I fail, and will I fall? Emptiness overcomes my fears
Outside I smile and laugh and shrug it off but inside, I am just a lost little boy
I cover my eyes, willing calm, leaving me numb and drying my tears

Lost in the age old revelation that will can hide my pain and tears
I bury them deep in the murky depths, until they are one with my bones
My heart bears the pain, and slowly hardens throughout the years
As each tear and pain slowly turns my heart to stone

I have no time for regret yet sadness seems to follow me
I used to fight it off in my youth, but now I am all but spent
Oh to rid myself of shackles, grow wings, fly away, and be free
But the huge gap between me and my heart has been rent